


Creating Beauty From Mistakes

by awesomerosie



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: And angst, Bodily Fluids, But it's cool because there's also a lot of love., F/M, Family Feels, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Mpreg, Starvation, lots of yelling, mentions of abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2019-05-02 06:00:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 24,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14538204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomerosie/pseuds/awesomerosie
Summary: The Dread Doctors did more than mess with Theo's status as a human, they messed with his status as a man too.





	1. In the beginning there were two idiots.

**Author's Note:**

> I blame Davis for this. He had to go and hand me all the pseudo-science I could ever want, didn't he?

One time! Theo let his guard down - one fucking time - to let Liam fuck him and now he was fucking pregnant!? If Theo could actually glare daggers he would.

Melissa dragged the ultrasound wand over Theo’s abdomen in awe. This was literally impossible. He had a womb AND testicles? “What the hell?” she whispered over and over again.

Scott got closer to the monitor - because of course he had to be there too - and asked, “Is this even possible?”

“Not really…?” she replied, hitting buttons on the machine.

Liam stood in the corner, gaping like a fish.

Theo was going to kill him. He was going to drag him into the woods and beat him to death. It would take a while, a long while, but he would do it; he was just that enraged.

Liam stepped closer, immediately flinching away from Theo’s snarl.

At first, Theo thought he was just getting fat, but then a few days ago he started hearing a faint thumping following him. For all he knew, he had grown another heart or something, and in a way, he had.

Melissa asked him something, but Theo was too busy thinking of different ways to murder his boyfriend to listen.

“Theo!”

His head spun toward her, eyebrows stiff from glaring. “Huh?”

“Did the Dread Doctors say anything about this?”

Theo wracked his brain for every interaction he had with the Dreads. “They talked about my fertility a lot, but no specifics. I thought they were going to make me impregnate some chicks, not the other way around.”

“Alright, well, I don’t know how this happened, but we should monitor you closely and note it down in case this happens again.”

“I assure you, Melissa,” Theo said, devilish grin growing on his face, “this will never happen again.”

 

The ride home was mostly silent. Theo stared forcefully at the road as he drove, ignoring his right mirror completely. He could sacrifice that side of his truck. That was Liam’s side, Theo never saw it anyway.

Neither of them was ready for a kid. Theo had a shitty job in a convenience store and Liam was barely out of high school. These were not kid-appropriate times for them. They just got their own place for fuck’s sake!

“Would you stop growling at me?!” Liam yelled, squishing himself against the door. “It’s not my fault!”

The growling was unintentional. “Oh really?! Whose idea was it to switch places, huh?”

“I just wanted to try something new! Is that so bad?”

“Evidently!”

Liam huffed, crossing his arms over his chest. “How was I supposed to know? You never said anything about it.”

“I didn’t know either!”

“Exactly! This can’t be my fault because neither of us had any idea this was going to happen!”

“We should have known because every idea you come up with is a bad one!”

Liam stared at Theo with those wide, puppy-dog eyes. “I want to hate you for that, I really do, but my wolf refuses to let me because you’re my baby momma.”

Theo spared a glance to glare at Liam. “Never call me that again.” Once again, he was thankful he was a chimera and didn’t have to deal with someone else’s feelings. “I actually hate you, so good luck with that.”

The sad look on Liam’s face almost broke him.

 

Liam unlocked the apartment door and Theo went to faceplant into the couch.

“You’re going to squish the baby,” Liam said, worried.

“She’s fine,” Theo grunted, voice muffled by the cushion.

Liam lingered a few feet away, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Do you...do you need anything?”

Theo turned his face towards the back of the couch, so he could breathe but not have to see Liam. “I need you to be literally anywhere else right now. The icy pits of Hell would be a good start.”

“I thought Hell was supposed to be fiery?”

“Oh my god, Liam!” Theo screamed, blindly chucking a throw pillow. “Shut the fuck up at least!”

“I’m gonna go get dinner,” Liam mumbled, walking back to the door. “Text me if you want something specific.”

The door shut and then Theo was alone. He felt like throwing up. This whole situation was fucked.

 

Liam hadn’t even made it out of the building when Theo texted him.

**Theo:** Gyro pizza from my favorite place. Get it and I might think about letting you sleep in the bed tonight.

Liam dialed his second most used contact and waited for him to pick up. “Hey Mason, so you know how you used no possibility of pregnancy as a perk of dating a guy? Apparently, you were wrong.”

\---

Within the first two days, everyone in the pack knew. Theo wouldn’t have a problem with everyone knowing the horror Liam was putting him through if they would stay out of his fucking business. Instead, there was someone checking up on him every moment of the damn day. He worked at the most desolate convenience store in town and he still had to power down his phone because it went off too often.

Mason and Corey were in his house when he got home, wanting to see for themselves. There wasn’t much to see really, just a couple centimeters of flesh where Theo’s abs used to be, but it fascinated them to no end.

Theo dropped his shirt, stalking to the bathroom for a shower. “You’ve seen it, now fuck off before I throw you out.”

“We should probably curb his swearing habit before the due date,” Mason said to Liam.

Theo shouted from the bathroom, “I will swear as much as I fucking want in front of my own damn child!”

\---

The nausea hit him a week later. It was torture trying to keep food down when he lived with a disgusting slob. Liam ate a grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich every fucking morning. What kind of monster does that?

One whiff of the burnt rubber smell had Theo bolting for the toilet. He cleaned himself up before walking to the kitchen table and slapping the sandwich out of Liam’s hand.

“What the hell, man?!”

“Smells bad,” Theo mumbled, opening the fridge. He pulled out a container of tuna salad, grabbing a fork from the drawer, and gobbling it down.

Liam’s eyes were about to pop out of his head. “You hate tuna salad! Also, tuna is fine, but peanut butter and banana is not?”

Theo nodded like it was obvious. “You got a problem with that?”

“Nope! I’m not fighting with you over this,” Liam declared, dumping the rest of his breakfast. “I’m not sacrificing my bed again. I’ll go brush my teeth, take out the trash, get rid of everything smelly.”

Theo crooked a finger, drawing Liam closer. He pecked him on the cheek. “Don’t forget the bedroom and bathroom trash cans.”

Liam gave a dramatic bow. “As you wish, my beloved overlord.”

\---

Theo's belly grew as the weeks flew by. He had gotten less angry with Liam as time went on, and the nausea mostly disappeared by month four, thank fuck.

“No, Liam! You cannot fuck me! Never again!”

“Come on,” Liam pleaded, following Theo down the hallway, “you’re already pregnant, what’s the worst that could happen?”

“I could get double pregnant!” Theo shouted, falling onto the couch.

Liam stood in front of him staring incredulously. “That is so not a thing.”

“Some lady with two wombs had kids a week apart. I saw it on Ellen.”

“You only have one womb.”

Theo glared up at him. “How do you know, Liam? We didn’t know about the first one.”

Liam’s face switched from pleading to confused. “Why were you watching Ellen?”

“Because you assholes won’t let me kill things!”

The bloodlust was a recent development. He got fired from the convenience store because he almost ate his coworker. Since then there was always a werewolf hanging around him.

Liam sat sideways on the couch, draping a leg over Theo’s knees, and burying his face in Theo’s neck. “My wolf just wants to be near my baby momma.”

Theo slapped his thigh, growling. “I told you to stop calling me that.”

“Sorry. Baby...daddy?” he said tentatively.

“Better,” Theo grunted, absentmindedly massaging Liam’s leg.

“We just...we haven’t had sex in ages, and I know you want it just as much as I do, but when you top you do all the work, and I just want to make you feel good, y’know?”

“Does that have to involve sticking your dick in my butt?”

Liam snorted, lifting his head, and smiling like an idiot. “No, but it would make me happy.”

“This exact sequence of events caused this,” Theo said, pointing to his baby bump.

“I’m willing to take the risk.”

Theo rolled his eyes and sighed, pulling Liam in for a kiss. “Fine, I submit to your whims, but just this once.”

Bottoming actually felt amazing to Theo, not that he would tell Liam that, but he was kind of glad Liam had brought it up again. They would have to be more careful about it once the baby popped though. Condoms were not a thing they normally used, but they may have to in the future.

\---

Theo was fat. That sentence sang repeatedly in the back of his mind. This kid had made him fat and he was never going to get his abs back.

Theo stood in front of the bathroom mirror, poking at his pecs. He swears they weren't this squishy before. They might have gotten bigger, but he couldn't tell for sure because the giant belly was throwing off his proportions.

Theo glared at himself in the mirror. What did it matter? He only ever used his looks to get stuff from people, and he doesn’t do that anymore. Liam wouldn’t leave him if he got fat. That asshole had been trying to make him gain weight ever since they got together. Stupid human instincts.

Theo walked out to the living room, poking at every bit of his body. He stopped in the middle of the room and leaned over, reaching awkwardly around his belly to massage his thigh.

“What are you doing?” Liam asked, looking at him like he was crazy.

“Checking which bits got fat,” Theo replied, switching to the other leg. “Thighs are still rock hard.” A smug smile settled on his face as he carefully sat on the couch next to Liam, hand absentmindedly rubbing his belly.

“You’re not fat.”

Theo shook his head in surprise. “Have you actually looked at me lately? Do you not see the giant fucking bump I carry around?!”

“But there’s a person inside there. It’s not just fat.”

Theo huffed, grabbing Liam’s hand and slapping it down on his left pec. “What’s that, huh?”

Liam’s face contorted painfully, trying to think up an excuse. “I...uhh...nope. I’ve got nothing. You’re totally gaining some squish.”

“I told you!” Theo smiled triumphantly, releasing Liam’s hand.

The hand didn’t leave his chest though. Instead, it started playing with the flesh, squeezing, massaging, watching it bounce.

“Liam, what are you doing?”

Liam’s eyes slowly grew wider, absolute joy filling them. “You have boobs,” he whispered in awe.

“You are so fucking weird.”

“But, my two favorite body parts are on my favorite person. I never thought this would happen.”

“If boobs are one, what’s the other?”

Liam looked at him like he was an idiot. “Dick.”

Theo snorted a laugh. “Of course, I should have known.”

\---

Theo’s chest was wet. Such a rude way to wake up. Did Liam drool on him again?

He ran a hand over his pecs, definitely wet...on both sides?

Theo finally opened his eyes, looking down at himself. Two wet spots on his shirt sat right where his nipples were. Fucking fantastic.

Liam's side of the bed was cold. Theo looked at the clock. It was almost noon, which meant he must have gone to class, and that was someone else's heartbeat he heard in the kitchen.

Theo rolled out of bed, snatching up a random shirt from the drawer, and snuck into the bathroom. He pulled the soaked shirt off, staring into the mirror, he poked at his boob. He squinted and pushed harder. White liquid oozed from his nipple. This nightmare would never end. He was fairly sure that normal men couldn’t lactate. No amount of power or super anything was worth this shit.

Theo opened the medicine cabinet, pulling out gauze and tape. He fastened the gauze securely to his nipples and threw the new shirt over his head. His lip twitched in annoyance. It was lumpy. Fuck it. The whole pack knew this shit was weird.

Theo stalked out to the kitchen, the smell of chicken baking in the oven greeting him. He sat at the island counter, laying his head on his arms.

“Good morning, sleepyhead,” Melissa greeted far too cheerfully. “How’d you sleep?”

“Like shit until about seven this morning. Little shit kept kicking me.”

Melissa nodded knowingly. “Scott did that for a month straight. Soon as the sun came up he was fine. I thought he was going to be afraid of the dark or something, but no, he was just a pain in the womb.” She set a mug of tea at his elbow. “At least you don’t have to go to work.”

He sat up, cradling the mug in both hands.“Yeah, but I hate depending on Liam’s parents for everything.”

“It’s nice of them. A lot of parents would let you struggle.” Her eyes caught on the lumps. “What’s up with your chest?”

“New development: I’m lactating now.” He took a casual sip of tea, watching her reaction.

Melissa’s lips set into a stiff line, eyelid twitching. “You break all the rules of biology.”

“Apparently.”

“Guess we’re going shopping today.”

“What for?”

“A nursing bra. It’ll be a lot nicer than whatever that is,” she said, waving her hand in his general direction.

Theo’s eyebrows shot up. “I am not wearing a bra.”

Melissa put on her mom face. “Your choices are bra, wet t-shirts, or taping shit to your chest. I suggest the first option because it’s the easiest to maintain.”

Theo hated that she was right. He sighed heavily, staring at his mug. “Fine.”

“You might want to find a longer shirt,” Melissa commented.

The shirt he grabbed in his haste ended just below his belly button, which these days was several inches away from his pants. The stretch marks were visible because of it. “You may be right. I’ll be back.”

 

“Are you sure you don’t want some maternity clothes?” Melissa asked teasingly. She held up the ugliest pink and orange dress she could find. “Look, this one has flowers on it!”

Theo glared daggers. This entire store was filled with brightly colored, flowery clothing. He would have run away by now if he didn’t actually need her help. “We came for bras, not to completely emasculate me.”

“Aww, but you would look so cute in it!” Her laughter would be contagious if Theo wasn’t mortified by this whole situation.

Theo pulled anxiously at his oversized sweatshirt. He could feel all the eyes on him. “Can we just get out of here?”

“Not before we get what you need.” She moved further into the store, heading for a nearly unnoticeable corner where they kept the undergarments.

Theo followed her, head bowed low, hoping no one recognized him.

Melissa stared at Theo's chest for a moment, then turned and grabbed a few bras off the rack. She handed them to him, pushing him toward the changing room. “Try these on and tell me which fits the best.”

“How do I know if they fit?”

“You don't. No one does. Just pick the one that's the least annoying and go from there.”

\---

Nine months and two weeks. They thought they would have to induce labor somehow. The little shit decided exactly nine months and two weeks was the right amount of time. Unfortunately, they were in the middle of a pack dinner at the McCalls when Theo’s water broke.

“You okay there, Theo?”

All eyes turned to Theo’s bewildered face. “I think I just…peed myself?” A chorus of disgusted noises sounded around him.

Melissa clapped her hands, gaining the pack’s attention. “It’s labor time people! Someone call Deaton. Let’s head to the hospital.”

“No,” Theo said sternly. He still hated that place. “No hospital.”

Liam and Melissa shared a look. Liam took Theo’s arm, helping him up. “We can go to my parents, it’s close. Not like the doctors are going to know what to do with him anyway.”

Melissa nodded. “True. Scott, tell Deaton where we’re going. Someone mop the floor while I’m gone, please.”

 

Theo thought having someone watch as he pushed a baby out of his asshole would be the most embarrassing part of this whole ordeal, but in reality, it was having an erection throughout and then shitting himself afterward. He wasn’t sure he could look Melissa or Deaton in the eyes ever again.

It was absolutely worth the torture when the little shit looked at him with her giant, pale green eyes. Theo swore up and down that the tears that followed were caused by hormones and not his ‘emotions.’


	2. The Early Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies, welcome back!
> 
> We time jump a lot in this and the coming chapters, I apologise for that, but I didn't think we needed every moment in their lives, just the important ones.

Neither Liam nor Theo had any experience with kids. They were both the youngest of the family and neither had the time or desire to babysit in their teen years, so they were very thankful to Melissa and Liam’s mom for helping them out. Diaper changes were still being perfected, but it’s not their fault; she’s just so wiggly.

Nina, the tiny bundle of demon-baby, was well behaved most of the time, but when she wanted something she let you know. The lungs on that child would put a professional athlete to shame.

A screech startled Theo awake from his unintentional nap. The sling over his chest squirmed as Nina screamed again. Theo moved the fabric away from her face. “What do you want now? I fed you like...” He yawned, looking at his watch, "two hours ago? How did that…?” Nina screamed again. “Okay, shut your face. I get it.”

\---

Theo rocked Nina to sleep, listening to her breathing. The moment he knew she was definitely asleep he leaned down, carefully setting her in the crib.

An ear piercing scream shocked Liam from his sleep. Theo quickly picked her back up before the neighbors complained. Her screams stopped as soon as she touched his chest.

“That’s it! This book is fucking bullshit! Put your child in a crib so they’ll sleep better and you won’t accidentally suffocate them, it says,” Theo mocked, rocking Nina gently. “Feed your child at certain hours of the day so they know when dinner time is. Don’t comfort them if they cry. Put your kid to bed at 6 PM and wake them at 6 AM and do not even be in their presence while they’re sleeping, but do not leave the house they’re in so you can never have a life again!” He settled into the bed with Liam, laying Nina on his chest. “I am burning that fucking book tomorrow. I don’t know who the fuck came up with it, but I would like to strangle them. It goes against every instinct I have.”

Liam cuddled into Theo, still partially asleep. “Why were you reading it?”

“I wanted some guidelines or something to start with, but apparently, _Babywise_ was written _by_ a baby, not _for_ them.”

Liam yawned, nuzzling into his shoulder. “Just do what feels right. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Sure, that's what you say now, but don't blame me if she becomes a spoiled brat."

\---

It was a month before Theo felt comfortable enough to go out in public. A bunch of the pack members were meeting for lunch at the open-air diner near Liam’s campus and Theo really didn’t want to try to cook by himself. So, he packed everything he could possibly need into a giant diaper bag, strapped Nina into the car seat, and off they went.

They were halfway through eating when Nina screamed, loud, long, and warbling. Through much study and documentation, Theo had discovered that that meant she was hungry. He lifted his shirt, unsnapped the bra cup, and shoved the little shit onto his boob.

"Oh, ew, Theo," Stiles whined, "do you have to do that here?"

"Do you want me to let her scream? Cause I can."

"But we're in public. You could get arrested for public indecency."

"Bullshit!" Theo slammed his hand on the patio table. "I am a man, therefore this is a dude boob! Besides, I'm feeding my child, that's got to count for something!"

"Yeah, it counts as you being a chick!"

Theo glared, leaning over the table. "I would slap you with my dick right now if it wouldn't get me arrested for public indecency."

"Can't you just bottle it or something?"

"You want me to go to all the work of cleansing bottles, attaching a tiny vacuum to my tits, and carrying around a fucking insulated bag of the shit that I dispense because you're uncomfortable?"

Stiles picked at his food, faint blush on his cheeks. "Never mind, carry on."

"Oh thank you, Your Majesty. Thank you for letting me feed my child like nature intended."

Liam's eyebrow raised. "Nothing about you was intended by nature."

Theo turned his glare on Liam. "You better shut the fuck up before I make you do all shit clean up for the rest of time."

"Yes sir, shutting up."

\---

Theo probably should have taken Mason’s advice and curbed his swearing habit, but the constipated look on Stiles’s face right after Nina shrieked a happy “fuck” right in his face was too funny for him to care.

Theo scooped her up from the walker and nuzzled her face. “Isn’t that cute, she’s learned your name!” He propped her on his hip, grinning at Stiles.

“Ha ha very funny. Please tell me you didn’t actually teach her that.”

“Nope, but it is her first word.”

Stiles narrowed a glare at Theo, a smirk slipping onto his lips. “I’m going to teach her to call you Mom.”

Theo returned the glare, adding a flash of gold to his. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Try me.”

To Stiles’s credit, he did dare, and he succeeded. He even revealed her new abilities in the presence of several members of the pack and managed to not get murdered. He did not, however, realise that Theo would get his revenge by any means necessary, and thus did not check to see if his sugar was really salt, or if the milk was actually watered down sour cream.

\---

It was nearly two years in when Theo got a new job. He hated leaving Nina with whichever pack member was available that day, but they were further in debt than they could handle. Liam would graduate university next year, then he could get a job too, and with any luck, they won’t be in debt forever.

Theo had his abs back, but the tits refused to go anywhere, which he supposed was okay since Nina was still breastfeeding, it just made interactions with people a little awkward.

He worked at a sketchy, wrong side of the tracks law office as both the secretary and the muscle. The conversation with the interviewer about his absence from the workforce was the most hilarious embarrassment Theo had ever felt.

Theo was jerked out of space by someone walking in the front door. He greeted them politely, going through the motions of a good secretary, but the guy just stood there staring at him. “Can I help you or are you going to continue staring blankly?”

The guy shook himself, looking Theo in the eyes. “I need a lawyer for a harassment case,” he said, gaze drifting back down to Theo’s chest.

Figures. His shirt wasn’t even that low cut. “Have a seat,” Theo said, waving to the shitty, broken chairs in the corner, “Mr. Johnson’s in a meeting at the moment.”

Theo kept a few days worth of stubble on his face to balance out the boobs, but that didn’t seem to faze this guy. He sat there for ten straight minutes ogling his chest. Theo was about to choke on the smell of arousal by the time the office door opened.

 

The first thing Theo did when he got home that night was take a shower. That office always made him feel filthy. The second thing was smother Nina in affection.

“Don’t let anyone ogle you,” Theo said, holding her close. “You are far more than a pair of tits.”

She smiled up at him. “Fuck!”

“Exactly, fuck him.”

“Rough day?” Liam asked, wandering into the bedroom.

“If Nina didn’t need them I would cut my tits off.”

Liam’s face shot open in surprise. “Damn, definitely a bad day.”

\---

The amount of love Theo felt for his little bundle of sunshine outweighed any other emotions he had.

Theo and Nina were in the park, roughhousing in the grass. He could feel all the disapproving eyes on him, but she was a four-year-old chimera-werewolf child, she could handle it.

Theo grabbed her by the ankles, lifting, and dangling her in the air. He nuzzled her giggling face. Her fingers tangled in his hair as he pressed kisses to her flushed cheeks.

He set her gently on the grass and sprawled out next to her, staring up at the darkening sky.

Nina curled into him, wrapping her small limbs around his large chest. “Mommy, can we stay like this forever?”

Theo rubbed her back, sighing, “I really wish we could, Honey.”

\---

The first day of school was torture. Nina had been excited about the idea up until the day actually arrived. As soon as she found out that no one in the pack would be there she clammed up and refused to leave the car.

“I don’t wanna go,” she said quietly, crossing her arms over the straps of her booster seat.

Theo gazed at her in the mirror, eyebrow raised in question. “Why? You were so excited about it yesterday.”

“Because,” she huffed, turning away from him to look out the window.

“You’re gonna have to try harder than that,” he said, turning the truck off and unbuckling himself so he could turn and see her properly.

She mumbled her response so badly he couldn’t understand.

“What was that?”

Her eyes rolled in an impressively rebellious way for a kindergartener. She mumbled just above a whisper, “I don’t like new people.”

“But you’ll have so much fun and make so many great friends!” Even he could hear the lie in his voice. He wasn’t surprised when she narrowed her giant, green eyes at him. “Alright, fine, don’t make friends. Stand in the corner and glare at anyone who comes close, I don’t care, but you’re signed up already and you’re going to try it at least one day, got it?” She stared at him for a long moment before he added, “I’ll even come in with you, but then I really have to get to work.”

She sighed heavily; such a depressing thing to watch a child do. “Fine.”

Nina unbuckled herself and leapt from the truck, landing on her hands and feet with a smack. Theo winced and glanced around the parking lot before following her out. Most everyone else had dropped their kids off and left already.

She ran around the car, grabbing his hand as they walked toward the elementary school. Her fingers tightened their hold the closer they got.

After a bit of searching and help from a nice young teacher, they finally made it to her classroom. The brightly colored room was filled with nearly two dozen other five and six-year-olds, all running and playing with things.

Theo apologized to Freddie, the head teacher, for being late, he seemed to understand the predicament though and told them it was alright.

Freddie waved one of the other children over, crouching down and setting a hand on her shoulder when she got to them. “Nina,” he said in a soft voice, “this is my daughter Amalie. Amalie, this is Nina. Would you be a dear and show her around?”

Amalie nodded, holding her hand out to Nina. Nina looked skeptically up at Theo before taking it gingerly, releasing the stranglehold she had on his hand. Amalie whisked her over to a corner with a mound of cardboard blocks; the perfect choice for Nina who enjoyed destroying things.

Theo stood near the door, watching for perhaps a few minutes too long. It was just such a weird experience watching her with new people. With the pack, she generally opened up to them instantly, but with these humans, she barely gave them a smile. That is until she got to knock over the tower they just built, then she was all smiles.

Convinced that she was going to be alright, and with a grateful nod to Freddie, Theo took his leave.

\---

As Nina grew the bad days started outnumbering the good. Theo could handle toys strewn about the floor, or the accidental juice explosion, - even when it was on the nice carpet in their brand new house - but when she hit the rebel phase, that was the last straw.

“I don’t want to go!” Nina yelled, hands on her hips. Her twelve-year-old body standing defiantly in the doorway to her room.

“Too fuckin’ bad!” Theo yelled back. “That woman is the only reason you made it this far, so we’re going! Get your shit or we’re leaving without it!” He stormed down the stairs, ignoring the continued yelling.

This argument had gone on too long, they were going to be late to the party. Theo would have sided with Nina on this if it were anyone else, but because it was Melissa’s birthday they had to be there.

Theo walked into the kitchen where Liam was waiting. He held up a finger for silence, took a deep breath, and ran a hand through his hair.

“Better?” Liam asked quietly.

Theo draped himself over Liam’s shoulders. “She’s literally both of us in one body. I fear for the day she turns into a proper teenager.”

\---

Theo banged on the bathroom door. “Nina, I love you, but if you don’t get out of there right now I’m going to break the door down.” They should have bought the house with more than one bathroom, but no, they had to go with proximity to their jobs instead.

“Gimme a minute!”

“I’ve given you ten minutes! You’ve already made me shit myself once in this life, I’m not letting you do it again!”

The door flew open, revealing Nina’s disgusted face. “Gross. I did not need to know that.”

"Fucking finally!” Theo pushed Nina out of the way and slammed the door behind him. “For the record, you were also the reason I had tits for three and a half years.”

“EW! Shut up!”

\---

They fucked up. Literally. Nina was staying at a friend's house over the weekend, and Liam and Theo got impressively drunk on the werewolf alcohol Mason had come up with.

They had sex. Without a condom. With Theo on the bottom. It was the second coming of the end of the world.

Theo rolled off the edge of the bed half awake, landing on the floor with a thud. He could feel the cum leaking out of his ass. “I need an enema,” he croaked.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Liam leaned over the edge to peer at Theo’s crumpled form. “Oh fuck.”

Theo trained his best death glare on Liam. “Oh fuck is right! We fucking fucked again with me on the fucking bottom!”

“It’s not my fault, I was drunk!”

“I was drunk too!”

They glared at each other until Liam suddenly remembered their predicament. “Go take a bath or something!”

“Fuck, right,” Theo grunted as he stood. He grabbed Liam’s arms, forcing him to look him in the eyes. “We speak none of this to anyone.”

Liam’s hungover, sleep-addled brain didn’t understand. He tilted his head. “What?”

Theo growled, “Keep your fucking mouth shut, Liam.”

Liam gave a thumbs up. “Got it!”

\---

Liam did keep his mouth shut, but it was a futile effort. A month later Theo heard the dreaded heartbeat.

“I can’t do it, Liam!” Theo crumpled to the ground at Liam’s feet, real tears falling from his eyes. “I can’t go through that shit again!”

Liam crouched next to him, taking one of Theo’s hands. “If you really can’t we can find an alternative.”

Theo’s eyes narrowed as he pulled his hand away. “You better not be suggesting what I think you’re suggesting.”

“I’m just saying that you have options.”

Theo sat up and shoved Liam, toppling him into the carpet. His voice went back to that cold, pre-hell Theo that he only used when he was truly furious. “I have spent the last three hours in silence anticipating every heartbeat of this little shit. I’m not letting you kill it just because I’m having a meltdown.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No, Liam, that’s exactly what you meant.” Theo stood, hands placed protectively over his stomach. He stalked out of the room, saying one last biting remark as he left, “Don’t come home from work today.”

 

Nina hopped onto the kitchen counter. “Why isn’t Dad back from work yet?”

“He’s staying late today. You’ll probably be in bed by the time he gets home,” Theo replied, eyes never leaving the vegetables he was cutting. “How would you feel about getting a baby sibling?”

“Meh. I have enough cousins and shit, I don’t really need one.”

“Great, cause you’re getting one anyway.”

She looked at him confused. “But, why are you going through all that work again?”

“A little fun fact about you both, you wouldn’t exist if your dad wasn’t an idiot.”

“So we're accidents.”

“Basically.”

Nina snorted indignantly, lolling her head to the side. “Wow Ma, thanks for boosting my self-confidence.”

“I'm teaching you a lesson. Not everything happens the way you want it to, and sometimes you just have to run with it.” Theo set his knife down, turning to face Nina. “I fucking love you, no matter how you came into my life, this little shit too, and don’t let anyone tell you different.”

 

Liam came home early the following morning with a box of chocolates under one arm and an apologetic look on his face.

Theo leaned on the kitchen counter, crossing his arms. “Well?”

Liam stared at the floor as he said, “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

Liam breathed out sharply, shifting his weight awkwardly. “For implying that we should abort the baby....” He looked up suddenly, dejected gaze settling on Theo’s unimpressed face. “I didn’t mean it though. I just wanted to give you an out in case you actually couldn’t handle it. It was my fault again and I never want to force you into anything you don’t want, but I can’t turn back time and-”

“Liam, stop!” Theo’s chest shook with silent laughter. He uncrossed his arms and stepped closer to Liam, setting his hands on his shoulders. “Breathe.”

Liam inhaled shakily. The sad look in his eyes melted away all of Theo’s doubts.

“I’m sorry,” Liam said softly.

“I know. You’ve been nothing but wonderful, and I shouldn’t have kicked you out of the house.”

Liam stepped closer, slowly bringing his arm around Theo as if he might scare him off if he moved too fast. Theo wrapped him up in a hug, and Liam buried his face in Theo’s neck.

Liam closed his eyes and breathed in slowly. “I love you, y’know? I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Well, it’s too late, you’ve already done that,” Theo deadpanned, then chuckled at the groan Liam produced. “But, you could make up for it by making breakfast.”

Liam lifted his head, a small smile playing with the ends of his lips. “And what would my Beloved Overlord like for breakfast?”

Theo tilted is head, thinking through his options. “I’m thinking...chocolate chip and raisin pancakes.”

Liam stuck out his tongue, face crunching in disgust. “Ew, what are you the devil?”

“Hey man, I don’t question the cravings,” Theo said, smirking playfully. “Whatever this kid wants, he gets.”

Liam looked down at Theo’s stomach as if it had betrayed him. “Okay fine, but we’re only putting raisins in yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate all you silent readers too, by the way. <3


	3. New Life

Baby number two was just as overwhelming both emotionally and physically. A few months in Theo quit his job at the seedy law office because he would rather not have a repeat of the creepy guy.

Liam had worked desperately hard over the years taking classes during the day, and cataloging and changing exhibits at the local museum in the evening. Now he was a history professor at the university he used to attend. He was being paid well, and luckily, they were able to make ends meet without a second income.

Nina was a dear, helping him when she could. She was especially helpful when he got so round that he had difficulty reaching the floor.

Eight months pregnant, hadn't left the house in a week, and Theo nearly went bat-shit crazy. He had exhausted every streaming service and video game he had. Actually, that wasn't true, he scrolled through Netflix for an hour and gave up, not even bothering to get off the couch to check the game cupboard because he was sure there was nothing there for him. He was just fucking bored.

Theo stood in a veritable balancing act with one hand on the arm of the couch and the other sticking straight out, flailing as he leveled out.

Nina was at school and everyone else he knew had jobs. What could an obnoxiously pregnant man get up to on a Tuesday morning? The answer: whatever the fuck he wants.

Theo started at the new cafe down the street from the law office he used to work at for lunch and coffee. Then the museum Liam used to work for, realising he had never actually seen the exhibits. After that was a trip to check out the newly remodeled library he didn't know had happened. And finally to a Dutch bakery that he spotted from the second-floor window. By the time he made it home, Liam had started dinner already.

When Theo walked in the house the other two residents immediately raised their heads to stare incredulously at him; Nina from her homework spread out over the table and Liam from his perch on the counter.

“What?” Theo asked accusingly, yanking his keys out of the door handle.

“Where'd you go?” Nina asked as if his entire existence revolved around this house.

“Out,” Theo replied matter-of-factly, easing into a chair next to her. His ankles were on fire. Today was fun, but man is he glad he doesn't have to do it every day. If only he could recreate the shitty parts of pregnancy, it would be a wonderful form of torture.

Liam’s eyebrows furrowed, his mouth twitching up in a painful looking grimace. “By yourself?”

“Is that so hard to believe?” Theo's eyebrow raised in question as he spoke, his voice growing indignant. “That I, a grown-ass man, went out into the world alone?”

“No, it's just…” Liam trailed off, obviously deciding against his first choice of words.

Nina seemed to think it needed to be said anyway. “It's because your huge, Ma. How did you get around anyway?”

Theo shifted so he could properly make air quotes. “I have these magical things called ‘a truck,’ and 'legs.’ They’re quite useful for movement.”

Nina cocked her head, pursing her lips in an unimpressed face. “But why? It's gotta be a pain in the ass carrying all the extra weight around.”

“It is, but I was so fucking bored!” Theo hadn't meant to sound whiny, but he couldn't help it. He slouched in his chair as much as he could, arms dangling over the sides. “You guys are forced to go outside five times a week and I'm left here alone all day.”

Liam's chuckle grated on Theo's nerves. He walked behind Theo's chair and started massaging his shoulders. Theo turned into putty in his hands. Liam spoke softly as he worked, “Did you have fun?”

Theo laughed at himself now. It had been a strange day, hobbling through the city like a man on a mission, but it was just what he needed. “Yes,” he admitted finally. “I even brought home dessert.” He looked around himself searching for the box of pastries he bought at the bakery. “Which I seem to have left in the truck….”

Liam sighed, amusement making it shaky, “I’ll go get it.”

“It’s pregnancy brain, I swear,” Theo called, watching him leave.

“Of course. Couldn’t possibly be old age or something.”

“Hey man,” Theo mock shouted, “if I’m getting old so are you!”

Liam spluttered, stepping back inside. A giant smile plastered itself to his face. “We’re growing old together. That’s adorable.”

Theo couldn’t help but grin back. “Getting old. Having babies. What has our life become?”

“Amazing,” Liam said unobstructed awe coloring his voice. He set the pastry box on the counter and went back to Theo, leaning down to kiss him.

The sweet moment was swiftly interrupted by Nina making retching noises as she gathered up her things, and storming to the stairs, yelling as she left, “You guys are gross!”

\---

Tiny, little Jeremy was born three weeks early, but in good shape. He weighed in at a solid seven pounds, five ounces, and his eyes were an almost silver blue, with tiny flecks of black smattered in them like a shattered mirror.

This child came with some unfortunate added effects for Theo: Postpartum depression.

Theo was fine until the exhaustion of childbirth wore off and then he felt nothing. He went through the motions of taking care of a baby, feeding, changing, cradling, etc. Lying was one of the things Theo was an expert in, so Liam didn’t notice a change until he and Nina came home from school one day to a screaming Jeremy, and Theo curled into a corner, hands over his ears on the other side of the house.

Liam pushed Nina toward the stairs. “Go get your brother,” he ordered, going over to crouch in front of Theo. “Theo, you okay?”

Theo whimpered a broken, devastating noise. “He just wouldn’t stop crying!” Tears leaked from his eyes in rapid succession. “I tried everything, but he wouldn’t stop, and then I just wanted to strangle him or smash his head in, but I couldn’t do that either, so I just dropped him on the bed!” Theo choked on a sob. He scrubbed his hands through his hair, pulling at it in frustration. “I want to love him. I want to love him like I love Nina, but I can’t!”

Liam gently removed Theo’s hands from his hair, squeezing them reassuringly. “You will. I promise you will,” Liam said, sitting next to Theo, and wrapping his arms around him. “This is just a rough patch in the grand scheme of life.”

Theo curled into Liam, fist clutching at his shirt like a lifeline. Liam ran his fingers through Theo’s hair, massaging his scalp soothingly.

“We’ll get through this,” Liam murmured, “we’ve done it before.”

\---

They did get through it. It took nearly a month of Theo having a supervisor whenever he was with Jeremy, but they made it.

Theo had Jeremy lying in his lap one night. He stared into those beautiful blue eyeballs as Jeremy cooed, and a small smile grew on his face.

Slowly all of the hatred and emptiness fell away, being replaced with love, and happiness, and absolute joy. He had brought two beautiful, genetically fucked up creatures into this world. The fact that neither of them was horrifically disfigured was a miracle in itself.

Theo started holding Jeremy more frequently, savoring that new baby smell every chance he got. It got to the point where he never wanted to put him down, and eventually, the pack trusted him enough to leave them alone together again.

\---

Nina did really well with the addition. She helped out occasionally and took full ownership of the ‘semi-responsible teenager’ title she was awarded.

She also slept like the dead, so even the nighttime crying fits didn’t bother her at all. She was actually the one to discover that if you lie down with him and play old Winnie the Pooh movies he would chill out completely. Theo was eternally grateful for that.

The only thing that bothered her was that her friends knew she had two dads, they even knew she was a werewolf, but they did not know that her dad was actually her mom. She played off the name as just a joke that stuck, but now Nina’s most embarrassing middle school memory is Theo breastfeeding her brother during a soccer match. She had begged him that morning to stay home, but it didn’t work. He totally did it on purpose.

\---

Jeremy’s first word was not a curse, thankfully.

Their family had gone to Liam’s parent’s church for a potluck...thing. Neither Theo nor Liam actually knew what it was about, but they went anyway because there was food. They got a few weird looks from people, but so far no one said anything rude.

Jeremy sat on Theo’s lap, slobbering on a hunk of bread. He shifted, dropping his bread on Theo’s leg, and pointing to under one of the other tables. “Mama!” he happily shrieked.

The entire table turned to look, most expecting to see a woman, but instead, they all spotted a large, black service dog.

“No, Honey, that’s a doggy,” Theo said, watching a crease develop between Jeremy’s tiny, blonde eyebrows.

“Mama,” Jeremy repeated quieter this time. He looked up at Theo, pointing to him and then back to the dog. “Mama.”

Play with the kids in animal form once and suddenly that’s how they remember you. “Doggy, Jeremy. Say it with me,  _ dog-gy _ .”

Jeremy shook his head. “ _ Ma-ma _ .”

“I’m literally right here, kid, I can’t be in two places at once.” That spurred some whispers.

Jeremy still didn’t seem to believe him.

Theo sighed, “You got Liam’s intelligence, didn’t you? That dog looks nothing like me. For one, I'm way bigger and fluffier, and, two,  _ I'm right here _ !” Theo pointed to himself forcefully.

Jeremy narrowed his eyes at Theo and then smiled wide, showing off the few teeth he had. He pointed back at the dog. “Mama.”

Theo rolled his eyes, plucking the bread from his knee. “Fine, whatever, kid,” he said, shoving the bread at Jeremy’s face in an attempt at distraction.

Jeremy took it, and their family went back to their food. The rest of the table was much slower to return to normal. An older woman’s boring stare made Theo look up again.

“What on Earth was that?” she asked. Her mouth twitched with amusement.

Theo looked up at her, a mischievous smirk in full force. He leaned in, voice conspiratorial, "Werewolves."

The woman nodded as if this was the most obvious answer. The rest of the table looked between them in confusion, until the two burst into laughter.

She seemed to take his comment as fact, and the rest of the night was spent in cheerful conversation.

\---

Theo stumbled in the front door, arms full of groceries, and toddler carrier strapped to his back. He frowned when he heard shuffling above him.

_ “Fuck, hide!” _

_ “What? Where?” _

_ “Under the bed? Out the window? I don’t care just do something!” _

“Nina!” Theo shouted, dropping his bags on the counter, “you better not have that boy I banned from the house up there!”

Theo stomped up the stairs. He could smell the kid. Now it was just a question of whether or not Nina planned to lie to him. He knocked on her bedroom door.

A thump sounded from the closest. Theo knocked again. “Open the door, Nina.”

Still nothing. “Open the door before I break it down!”

Nina whipped it open, innocent smile playing on her face. “Hey Mom, you're home early.”

Theo crossed his arms over his chest. “Is that a problem?”

“No! No, of course not. Merely an observation.”

“Nina, darling, apple of my eye, why does your closest smell like shit?”

Nina's eyes shot open comically wide before being forced back into fake innocence. “I don't know what you mean.”

Theo sighed. “You forgot I could smell him, didn't you?”

“I- Uh…maybe.”

Theo patted her on the head. “I do this because I care,” he said softly. His face immediately switched to dark and stormy. “Which is why you're grounded for a month.”

“What?! You can't do that!”

“He's twenty and you’re fifteen! The only country that’s legal in is South Korea! He better get out of that fucking closet right now or I will drag him out!”

The guy practically fell from the closet, banging into things and knocking them over on his way out. “Sorry, sir, won't happen again.”

“I know it won't.” Theo stepped into the room, crowding the guy into the corner. His voice went impossibly lower as he growled, “because if I find out you've come within ten feet of my daughter, I will rip your dick off, feed it to you, and then tear your throat out for good measure.”

The guy squeaked, squishing as far into the corner as he could go. “Yes, sir! I understand, sir!”

“Get the fuck out of my house!”

The guy ran, giving Nina a wide berth as he dashed out of the room.

Theo went over to the desk, unhooking cables from her laptop, and picking it up. He held his empty hand out to Nina. “Phone.”

She stared at him in horror. “You can’t do this. What am I supposed to do all day?”

“Read a book, play with you brother, wallow in self-pity, I don’t give a shit. Hand it over.”

Reluctantly, Nina pulled her phone out of her back pocket and set it in his hand.

He yanked at the phone, but she held it in a death grip. “Let it go.” Theo pulled at it again. “I don’t want to add more time to your sentence, but I will.”

She jumped, jerking her hand away like it burned her.

“You have twenty minutes to rid the house of his stench and then I expect you to help me with dinner.”

 

Liam came home to an unusually quiet house, the only noises he heard were those of Jeremy mushing food into his face. He walked into the dining room, expecting a happy family dinner, but all he got was a lot of silence and glaring.

“Alright,” Liam sighed exasperatedly, sitting at the remaining side of the table, “what did I miss?”

“This one,” Theo said, leaning his elbow on the table and jabbing a thumb at Nina angrily, “decided it would be okay to bring over the guy I banned last week.”

“What’s wrong with him?” Liam asked. “I wasn’t there.”

Nina pouted. “There’s nothing wrong with Chad!”

“He twenty, Liam. Twenty! What if he goads her into sex?”

“What if I want to have sex?!” Nina shouted, defiance engines in fifth gear.

“Too bad!” Theo shouted back, startling Jeremy. “You’re too young!”

Liam raised his hand meekly. “I was her age when I started having sex…”

Theo slowly turned his gaze to Liam, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “And you’re obviously the best person to dish out advice, aren’t you, Liam? Marry the person who almost made you kill your own alpha, great plan!”

“Hey, at least I didn’t get my sister and multiple other people murdered!” Liam yelled.

Jeremy started crying, giant globs of tears falling onto his highchair.

“Great, now look what you’ve done,” Theo muttered, picking Jeremy up out of the highchair.

“Can I see Chad after the divorce?”

“NO!” Theo and Liam shouted simultaneously.

Theo stomped up the stairs, slamming the door to the master bedroom on his way in.

This entire evening was a mess.

 

The next morning Theo found Liam asleep in the living room amidst the remains of their throw pillows and blankets. He left the one his mom knitted untouched and Theo’s heart ached. Even in a fit of I.E.D. rage Liam still cared about their family.

Nina and Jeremy were asleep for now. Theo had time to do whatever he wanted without interference. He thought about it long and hard, and the end result was that he needed to make up with Liam.

Theo shuffled through the bits of fabric and stuffing to kneel next to the couch. He stroked his hand up Liam’s chest, breathing in the almond body wash he used.

Liam blinked his eyes open, looking blearily up at Theo.

“Hey,” Theo mumbled, “sorry about last night.”

Liam’s eyes shot open and he sat up hastily, taking Theo’s hand in his. “Fuck! No, I’m sorry! I promised not to bring up your past anymore, but I did it anyway!”

“Chill, man, chill!” Theo chuckled, moving to be between Liam’s legs. He wrapped himself around Liam, nuzzling into his neck. “It was a heat of the moment response. It didn’t mean anything. We’re good.”

Liam sighed in relief, holding Theo close. “What are we going to do with her?”

“I dunno, man. She’s starting to act like an actual demon.”

“Teenagers are literally the worst.”

Nina came stomping down the stairs, screaming, “Do you have to shit on me first thing in the morning?!”

The men laughed, pulling away from each other.

“It’s 11:30,” Theo yelled back, “it’s barely morning!”

“That doesn’t make it better!” She groaned, slamming the bathroom door shut behind her.

Theo stood and stretched, yawning loudly. Sleep always eluded him when Liam wasn’t there.

Liam’s eyes tracked the slivers of skin revealed as Theo’s shirt moved. He licked his lips, and stood, setting his hands on Theo’s hips. “You know what we haven’t done in a while?”

Theo smirked, gaze turning sultry. “Sexy time?”

“NO!” Nina screeched, “I don’t want to hear that!” She ran into the room, wedged her hands between their stomachs, and yanked them apart. “If I can’t have sex, you can’t either!”

“See, Liam? Do you see the demon I have to deal with all the time? Do you understand my pain yet?”

“Hey, don’t blame me,” Liam snickered, “I didn’t make you become a stay at home parent.”

Theo squinted at him incredulously. “You didn’t stop me either.”

“When have I ever managed to stop you?”

Theo’s face broke into a smug smile. “Never.” He snuggled back into Liam, batting Nina's hands away. “Go get dressed, you're going to Grandma's for the afternoon.”

Nina protested loudly as she shuffled away, trying to cover up the disgusting make out noises now coming from the living room.

\---

Jeremy threw his toy across the room, hitting Theo in the leg. He pouted when he got no response, proceeding to throw another one. Theo smacked it away before it met its target.

“Stop that,” Theo said calmly, not taking his eyes away from the laptop in front of him.

Dissatisfied with his reaction, Jeremy stomped over on his little legs. He stood next to Theo at perfect thigh biting height, and bite he did. He sunk those tiny chimera-werewolf fangs through Theo's jeans. A look of sinister joy on his face as his target cried out in pain.

“Fuck! Stop! I'll pay attention to you, I promise!”

Jeremy released him, smiling up at Theo, and holding his arms out to him. Theo begrudgingly complied with his request, picking Jeremy up, and holding him to his chest.

“I know you know how to use words.”

Jeremy just wrapped his arms around Theo's neck in response.

“Are you good now? Can I go back to writing my book?”

Jeremy shuffled so he was sitting sideways in Theo's lap, ear leaned against his heart. He gave a small nod, yawning.

Theo petted Jeremy's head, chuckling lightly. “You can just ask. I'll cuddle with you whenever you want.”

Theo did his best to type with one hand, eventually giving up and carrying Jeremy over to the couch. Tuesday was a good day to do nothing.

\---

Two years after the Chad incident Nina walked out of the bathroom with tear tracks on her face.

Theo shared a nervous look with Liam, then set his mug on the counter and sped over to her, taking her face in his hands. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.

She wouldn’t look him in the eyes.

He was beginning to get suspicious. “What is it?”

Nina tried to push Theo away, managing only a few inches before he grabbed onto her wrists.

“What aren’t you telling me?” Theo’s voice was just shy of anger now.

The tears started up again, trailing down Nina’s cheeks. “I-” She got cut off by a sob.

Theo wrapped her up in a hug, whispering softly, “Hey, it’s okay. Just tell me what’s up and I can help.”

She pressed her face into his chest, clutching at the back of his shirt. “I...I’m pregnant.”

Theo tightened his grip, a storm brewing behind his eyes. “Are you sure?”

“I did four and they all say yes!” Nina was practically hysterical at this point. She tried to pull away again, beating at Theo's chest when he wouldn't let go.

“Hey, ow! Stop it, we can work this out!”

Liam walked around the counter. He pulled them apart, staring intensely into Nina's eyes, his own looking like fire. “Was it Chad?”

Nina shook her head, wiping at her face.

“Who was it, Nina?” Theo asked with every false comfort he could muster.

“No,” Nina said, backing away, “you're going to kill him if I tell you.”

“Oh no, Honey,” Theo said far too sweetly, “We would never. We're just going to hurt him.”

“A lot. Forever,” Liam continued.

“That’s not better!”

Jeremy toddled down the stairs behind them, rubbing his eyes. “Why yelling?”

Liam broke off from the group and went over to scoop Jeremy into his arms. “What are you doing up, Kiddo?”

“Not sleepy,” Jeremy mumbled, his sentence punctuated by a yawn. “Why yelling?”

Liam kissed Jeremy on the head, starting to walk upstairs. “It’s nothing, Mommy and Nina are just loud.”

Theo turned back to Nina, finding the space she had occupied empty. He spun around, watching her retreat into the living room. He followed. “I’m sorry for threatening your boyfriend,” he said, sitting down next to her on the couch.

Nina leaned her elbows on her knees, running fingers through her hair. “No, you’re not. You enjoy it too much.”

“You’re right, I’m not, but I thought I’d say it anyway in case it made you feel better.”

Nina groaned, scrubbing her face. “What am I gonna do? I fucked everything up! My future is ruined!”

“Hey, it’s okay.” Theo rubbed Nina’s back soothingly. “You fucked up, but that’s the only way this family knows how to do anything.” He took a deep breath, thinking of the best way to phrase his next sentence. “Look, you...you have options, and whatever you choose we’ll be right there beside you.”

Nina flipped around to bury her head in Theo’s neck, his arms coming around to hold her close. “I love you.”

They sat in that comforting embrace for a while, until Nina took a deep, shaky breath and pulled away. She slumped into the couch, staring at the floor. “I don’t know what to do."

“That’s okay, Kiddo,” Theo said, throwing his arm on the couch behind her. “Your dad and I didn’t either, but we made it through.”

Liam wandered into the room, and sat on the other side of Nina, turning to face her. “Do you love this guy?”

They sat in silence as Nina thought through the question, her brows furrowing as she delved further into her own mind. “I...yes…?”

Theo snorted. “That sounded very certain.”

“It’s just that the only people I’ve ever loved have been family members, and what I feel for him isn’t quite the same. Right now I want to strangle him too, which totally does not help, but I’d still kill for him, y’know?” she looked at both of them as she said this, scanning their faces for something useful.

Theo and Liam smirked at each other, both all too familiar with that feeling.

“Nina’s in love~” Theo sang teasingly.

Liam laughed as he joined in, “Nina and whats-his-face, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

She huffed, crossing her arms. “I hate you guys. You’re so immature.”

“Too bad you’re stuck with us,” Liam said, grinning. He leaned into the couch, brushing shoulders with Nina.

“Anyway,” Theo huffed, patting Nina's knee, “if you plan on keeping the little shit, you should sleep as much as you can now. Soon enough you will not be sleeping at all.”

“That's incredibly encouraging,” Nina grumbled.

Theo grinned, sinister and joyous. “I really hope you keep it. The joy of hearing the screams but not having to answer them would be amazing.”

Theo stood, pulling Liam up with him. “Also, you should tell what’s-his-face, if only to warn him not to fuck up like this again.” He started walking away, dragging a less than pleased Liam behind him. “We're going to bed. Have fun with your internal crisis.”

They made it up to their room before Liam whispered angrily in Theo's ear, “I can't believe you just left her there!”

Theo turned to him, squeezing his arms reassuringly. “She needs time to think. By tomorrow morning she'll have her decision.”

“How do you know?”

“Because she's going through all the same thoughts I had when I had her. She's gonna be fine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, in case you wanted to know, I accidentally named Jeremy after a member of Achievement Hunter. It happened while I was writing a different fic that isn't out yet, and I didn't realise it for a week.


	4. Branches of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I'm back! Sorry for making you wait so long. I kept getting stuck.

Nina brought her boyfriend home that Friday. Damian, a nice kid recently imported from Spain, was completely opposite of what Theo expected. Damian was polite, funny, and actually seemed to care about getting along with them.

“So, Damian,” Theo said, sitting at the table next to Jeremy's booster seat, “do you have any plans for the future?”

“I was thinking about going into biogenetics,” Damian said with a big smile on his face.

Theo couldn't help imagining him as a mini Dread Doctor. He stared at Liam, who, from the horrified expression on his face, was thinking the same thing.

Damian's smile dropped. “Did I say something wrong?”

Nina set a comforting hand on his knee. “It's not you, it's them. They're weird about scientists.”

“For good reason,” Theo grumbled into his burger.

“Why?” Damian asked, looking at Nina for help.

She sighed, “Mom's a science experiment. Some Darth Doctor guys fucked him up.”

“Dread Doctors,” Liam corrected.

Damian laughed at that. The rest of table looked at each other like he had sprouted horns out his nostrils.

“That is a good joke!” Damian exclaimed, laughter still silently shaking him. “That is a good book. I don't know anyone else who has read it.”

Liam and Nina stared at Theo quizzically for a long moment before it clicked in his head. The book that Valack wrote. Those idiots probably left it in the school library or some shit. This kid hasn't even met a supernatural properly and yet he has intimate knowledge of Theo's pseudo-parents. That’s just great.

“Where did you find that book?” Theo asked.

“It was in my locker at school.” Damian uneasily took in the serious gazes pointed at him.

Theo rolled his eyes, landing in an accusatory stare at Liam. “Your pack is seriously stupid.”

“Don't look at me,” Liam protested, hands in the air, “I never had it!”

Theo leaned heavily on an elbow, face in his hand. “This is why I didn't want to join. Whatever, I guess it doesn't matter now that they're dead.”

“What?” Damian appeared thoroughly confused. ”Who's dead?”

“The Dreads,” Theo replied, already exhausted by this exchange. “These assholes murdered them.” He jabbed a thumb at Liam.

“Because they were mutating and killing innocent teenagers!” Liam protested loudly.

Damian was absolutely bewildered. His eyes darted between Liam and Theo like they were playing a ping pong match. “Are you telling me that all of that was real? The scientists, chimeras, and everything?”

“Nina, do the thing,” Theo sighed, going back to his food.

“Why do I have to do it?”

“Because he’s your boyfriend, not mine.”

Nina huffed, looking back at Damian with glowing eyes. She laughed as Damian’s whole face fell open in shock. “Oh, also I’m pregnant and you’re the father.”

Damian’s eyes nearly popped out of his skull. He stared down at his half-empty plate, reconsidering everything he knew. “Are you keeping it?” he asked quietly, unsure if he really wanted to know.

“Yup,” she answered, seemingly nonchalant.

Damian took a moment to collect himself and then stood from his chair, moving it away from the table so he could drop to one knee. He took Nina’s hand in his and stared deep into her eyes. “Nina, my beautiful, chimera lover, mother of my future child, will you marry me?”

Nina laughed, surprised by the sudden question. “You are ridiculous...but yeah sure, why not?”

Damian grinned, scooting closer on his knees he pulled her into a passionate kiss.

Theo covered Jeremy’s eyes and cleared his throat. “We’re still here.”

Nina pulled away suddenly, an apologetic look on her face. “Sorry, Ma, won’t hap-” She stopped, eyes narrowing in disdain. “Actually, it will happen again because you do it to me all the time.”

“Dammit.”

Liam gave him a smug grin. “I told you we shouldn’t make out in front of the kids.”

“I didn’t realise they were going to use it against us in the future!”

“They’re our kids! What else would they do?”

Theo stared at Damian impassively. “Welcome to the family.”

\---

Theo was confused at first why Damian’s parents were so chill about the whole thing until he found out they made the same stupid mistake when they were teenagers. So, they set the wedding date for after the baby arrived, preferring to not have all that extra stress weighing down on Nina’s shoulders.

Nina did surprisingly well with the pregnancy, only having one breakdown about not being ready for motherhood, which Theo expertly navigated. Okay, maybe not so expertly. What started as well reasoned arguments ended with, “Would you stop shutting down every-fucking-thing I say?! You're basically me and I managed, so you will too!” She stopped arguing with him and he took it as a win.

Damian spent every possible minute by Nina's side. He was so persistent that at one point she literally kicked him out of her room. A sore ass and a few apologies later they, or more likely Nina, decided that he would go home to sleep every other night. Theo worried about their home life once they properly moved in together.

Nina told them that the entire high school was talking about her. It bothered her more than she let on most of the time, but she was a strong young woman. She wasn’t about to let a bunch of stupid teenagers ruin her. She walked through the halls with her head held high.

Nina finished up her school year shortly before her due date. For a month she sat around the house with Theo, complaining about being unable to go anywhere.

“I’m just SO bored!” she whined, plopping onto the couch.

Theo chuckled, handing Jeremy the car he had chucked across the room. “You could go somewhere.”

“How am I supposed to get anywhere? I don’t have a car, I refuse to ride the bus in this condition, and there is nothing interesting within walking distance of here!”

Suddenly, Theo wished Damian hadn’t gotten a job. “Why don’t we go together?”

“Great, I love going out with my mom and my little brother.”

Nina made retching noises and Jeremy’s head shot up to look at her. He grinned and went back to playing, like nothing happened.

Theo shook off the weird feeling he just got and turned back to Nina. “Bring us along or walk by yourself, those are your only options.”

“Ugh, fine.”

\---

Theo's grandbaby was much more punctual than either of his children. That little shit wanted out right on the delivery date.

Theo drove her to the hospital while she screamed, “Get your ass down there or I will eat you alive!” through the phone at Damian, which probably wasn't the best choice of words since he was still coming to terms with the supernatural world.

They got to the hospital in record time, thanks to Theo's fantastic speeding skills, and he helped the poor young woman into the emergency room with Jeremy on his hip. He lowered her gently into a wheelchair, and then went to drop Jeremy unceremoniously into Melissa's lap, running after them like a bat out of Hell.

Theo spent several long minutes holding Nina's hand and assuring her that the feeling of needing to poop is completely normal, and no, it was not just personal experience, he read it in a book. By the time Damian and Liam made it Theo was thoroughly annoyed by Nina's continuous line of questions.

Damian appeared in the doorway and Theo sighed in relief, “Thank fuck. It's your turn.” Theo stood, holding Nina's hand out to him.

“What? Mom, you can't leave me!” Nina protested. “I have more questions!”

“Either call Grandma, or Google it like normal kids your age,” Theo called, walking out the door.

Theo did come back. He only needed a bathroom break after all. It was a good thing he did too because Nina nearly clawed Damian's face off during the actual pushing part of labor. Damian got a few scratches, but Theo took the brunt of her abuse. Either way, there were more people bleeding than the medical professionals were expecting.

The doctor called out, “One more push.”

A warmth built in Theo’s chest. The feeling overflowed and painted the world in joy as the nurse handed Nina a bundle of blankets. “Congratulations on your new baby boy.”

Theo's knees gave out, a situation he hadn't expected since he had never been upright for this. He couldn't stop smiling, it was making his face hurt.

“You okay there, Ma?”

”I'm too young to be a grandmother.”

\---

Screams and crying, originating from different people, that was what Theo woke up to.

Liam shifted next to him, mumbling groggily, “Is that Nina?”

Theo sighed heavily, “Yeah...I'll go help.”

Theo rolled out of bed and stumbled down the hall. He found Nina collapsed on the floor, cradling a screeching Marvin in her arms. “Honey, are you okay?” he asked, kneeling down next to her.

Nina hiccupped, watery eyes drifting up to Theo. “He won't- I don't-” Another sob wracked through her.

Everything in Theo softened. Nina was nearly fully grown, but she would always be his baby.

“Step one,” Theo said softly, scooting closer, “calm yourself down. He won't be able to chill if Mom's crying too.”

She held Marvin out to him in a silent plea, heaving a breath when Theo took him.

Theo rocked Marvin, speaking quiet assurances until the sobbing was reduced to the occasional whimper. “See, not that hard, right?”

Nina huffed a pitiful laugh. She reached for Marvin again and held him desperately close. “Thank you. You're the best, Mom.”

“No problem, Kiddo. Get some sleep.” Theo patted Nina on the head and went back to his own room. There he found Liam curled around Jeremy. He should probably be concerned that this had been happening more often, but the early hour muddled his brain, and instead, he just laid down at Jeremy's other side. He'll deal with it later.

\---

Thrown together mostly last minute, and held in the courtyard of Liam's parent's church, Nina's wedding was beautiful. The ceremony was supposed to be inside, but it was a beautiful day in late Spring and Nina had insisted they move everyone out.

Turns out the woman they met at the potluck was one of the pastors there and she was all too happy to officiate. She did put a stipulation on it that they had to keep coming to dinner events in the future. They had no problem with that though because they made friends with some of the members there.

Planted flowers lined the perimeter, up against the U-shaped, stone building. Ugly, metal folding chairs quickly filled with beautiful people; the pack taking up most of the seats.

Theo tugged Marvin’s onesie back over his diaper, the printed tuxedo on the front and his nicely combed wisps of brown hair making him look like a dapper gentleman. He wandered back out to the courtyard and sat himself down in the front row with Jeremy and Liam’s parents.

The whimsical feeling in the air almost made Theo regret not having a proper wedding himself. Maybe they could have an anniversary ceremony...thing. That was a real thing, right? If not, they could make it a thing.

Damian and Pastor Capfer came out of a side door, walking up to the wooden, flower-covered arch in front of the chairs. She patted Damian on the back and they positioned themselves under the arch.

The opening song to The Fellowship of the Ring started up and everyone turned in their chairs. Down the aisle came Scott's youngest daughter, chucking flower petals into the air. Four groomsmen and two bridesmaids followed behind her in pairs. Then it was the big moment.

Pastor Capfer told everyone to rise as Nina made her way out of the double doors in her absolutely stunning, white dress. Her face broke out into a ridiculous grin, mirroring the one on Damian’s face. She clutched Liam’s arm tighter as they made their way down the aisle.

Liam’s mom whispered, “He did the stupid grin, he’s definitely a keeper.”

Theo hiked Marvin up against his chest. This was it, the moment where his baby girl become a married woman. He was not ready for any of this.

They got to the front and Liam squashed Nina into a hug. He pulled away with a heavy breath, and turned to shake Damian’s hand.

Nina took her place across from Damian and held his hand, happy grins never wavering.

The rest of the day went by in a blur of happiness and laughter, with everyone celebrating late into the night. All prejudices ignored in favor of a night of joy.

\---

Theo wandered into Nina's room and reached around her to take the baby from her arms.

“Mom, no! I need-”

“You already fed him,” he said, holding Marvin just out of her reach. “We gave you time to acclimate. I know the rest. It's time for you to go back to school.”

“But-” She couldn't think of a good argument so she employed the puppy eyes tactic, a move she picked up from her father.

“Nuh-uh, not gonna work. Marvin is mine for the day. You had all summer with him.” He finished his sentence with a very mature stuck-out tongue.

“But-”

“Go the fuck to school.”

She frowned, crossing her arms angrily. “Don't swear in front of my baby.”

Theo raised a challenging eyebrow. “I will make this kid swear like an Irishman if you don't go the fuck to school.”

Nina's face contorted frustratedly. She started storming off before doubling back to kiss Marvin on the forehead, frowning at Theo again as she finally left.

Theo sighed in relief, eyeing Marvin regretfully. “I feel bad for you, Kid, your mom is a handful.”

 

Theo was on the couch, blowing raspberries on Marvin's tummy, enjoying his day, when his phone rang. He answered it, making faces at Marvin the whole time. “Hello?”

_ “Theodore Raeken?” _

This can't be good. “That's me.”

_ “This is Mary Tanner, principal of Beacon Hills Elementary. Your son Jeremy bit one of his classmates. We would appreciate it if you came to the office.” _

So much for his good day. Theo sighed heavily, “Alright, I'll be there in a few minutes.”

 

Theo walked into the principal's office with Marvin in a sling on his chest. All humiliation about looking strange long gone from his mind. He sat down in front of Mary's desk, next to a remorseful looking Jeremy.

Mary folded her hands on the desk. “I'm sorry for making you bring your baby all the way here.”

“It's fine, I've got this baby shit down.” She frowned at his use of coarse language. “So, what happened?”

“Your son bit another child.”

Theo rolled his eyes. “Yeah, but what really went down? He only bites when provoked, so what happened?”

“This has happened before?”

“It started when his canines grew in, and I haven't figured out how to get him to stop.”

Mary looked at Jeremy with concern. “I don't know the full context of the situation, but it drew blood. He's going to have detention for half an hour everyday until the end of next week.”

“You give detention to first graders?” Theo asked flabbergasted. “Do they even know what it's for by the end?”

“I assure you, Mr. Raeken, that our students are highly intelligent.”

“Well, I know mine is, but some of those kids are definitely not.”

Mary did not look happy with him. She stared at him with scrunched brows and disappointment in her eyes. “Mr. Raeken, we have wonderful teachers here an-”

“I know. My daughter loved this school. I'm just saying that my children are smarter than at least ninety percent of the kids here. Well...except for this incident here,” he said pointing to Marvin, “but everyone makes mistakes.”

Her concerned expression grew more severe. “Is everything alright at home?”

An eyebrow raised as Theo considered. “Yeah…” Was there something unusual about their home life? Besides him being their mom, obviously.

“No arguments that Jeremy may have overheard, or maybe Jeremy thinks the new baby is taking his place?” She looked at Jeremy disturbed; probably because he hadn't moved or said anything since Theo walked in.

Theo also looked to Jeremy. This wasn't unusual either. He didn't speak often, not because he couldn't - Theo had heard some impressive vocabulary when he did - but because he just didn't want to. “Well, Kiddo? Is there something wrong at home?”

Jeremy sat there, staring at his hands clasped in his lap. “No,” he said softly.

Theo patted him on the head, turning back to Mary with a small smile. “See? Nothing wrong, he just doesn't know that biting people isn't the best way to get things he wants.”

Mary didn't look satisfied. Her concerned gaze turned back to Theo, glancing over his body as if she might find an answer there. “If this happens again, like you say it might, he will get expelled. Please, make sure it doesn't.”

Theo saluted. “Will do, Ma’am.” He stood, extending a hand. “Come on, Jeremy.”

Jeremy latched onto it and followed him to the truck.

Theo crouched down next to him, his own concern showing through. “What happened, Kiddo?”

“Bullies,” Jeremy replied, looking at Theo with fire in his eyes.

“What'd they do?”

Jeremy hesitated, opening and closing his mouth before finally saying, “Mocked my height, said I was short.”

“So you shifted and bit them?”

Jeremy nodded with all seriousness.

“Kiddo, you can't go around biting people. You're more dangerous than they are.”

Jeremy stared at Theo in a way that would look blank to anyone else, but Theo knew better. Theo knew there was something else.

“What's up?”

Jeremy shook his head, gaze shifting down to the ground.

Theo frowned, but dropped it. “If you ever want to talk I'm all ears.” He pulled Jeremy into a hug, careful not to squish Marvin. “Let's go home.”

\---

Jeremy continued to act strangely. He crawled into Theo's bed late at night, he refused to get too close to Marvin unless Theo was right there next to him, and he got expelled from Beacon Hills Elementary for bloodying the same kid.

Theo and Liam sat him down at the table after dinner.

“Can you tell us what's up now?” Theo asked, trying to keep the exasperation out of his voice.

Jeremy wouldn't look at either of them, just stared blankly at the tabletop.

Liam leaned over, trying to get into Jeremy's line of sight. “At least tell us what the latest biting incident was about?”

Jeremy's eyebrows furrowed and his jaw clenched. They waited.

Jeremy spoke quietly, a layer of lingering anger underneath, “Harvey said our family is fucked up. He kept making fun of me and I wanted him dead.”

Theo and Liam looked at each other in shock. They had really hoped the psychopathic tendencies would skip over a generation or two.

“Buddy,” Theo spoke slowly, “killing people is bad.”

“I know,” Jeremy said sternly. “I wasn't going to kill him, but I had to make him hurt as bad as I did.”

“Emotional hurts are worse than physical ones. If you really want him to hurt you should go after his insecurities.”

“That's terrible, Theo!” Liam scolded. “Don't teach him that! Don't listen to him, Jeremy. Be nice to people and they'll be nice back.”

“Don't lie to him,” Theo scolded back. “Some people are dicks no matter what you do.”

Liam scowled at Theo. “We can at least instill some faith in humanity.”

“Humanity is a shit-storm with a few bright spots in the midst.”

Liam glared. Theo glared back. A happy jingle brought their attention back to the issue at hand.

Jeremy swiftly turned off the volume on his DS. He looked up at his parent’s unimpressed faces. “Sorry. Carry on,” he said with a wave.

“Nope,” Theo announced, taking the DS from him. “No fighting, no biting, and no video games for a week.”

Jeremy gaped. “But, it was Harvey’s fault!”

“Doesn’t matter. You know not to attack humans.”

Jeremy stormed off up the stairs, shouting, “This is unfair! I hate you!”

“Oh look, he’s learning to hurt people emotionally!” Theo shouted back, rolling his eyes.

“That was a little harsh,” Liam mumbled.

Theo leaned his elbows on the table. “We established rules for exactly this situation. We can't go back on them now.”

\---

A few days later, Theo peered into Jeremy’s room, finding said child lying on his bed playing his DS.

Theo walked in further, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms over his chest. “Didn’t I say no video games for a week?”

Jeremy turned his head, smirking rebelliously at Theo. “I didn’t think you meant a consecutive week.”

There was so much of Theo in this one that he couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped him. “I didn’t specify, did I? Okay, you’ve got me there. Scooch,” he demanded, settling down next to him. “What are you playing?”

“Zelda.”

They stayed there in relative silence for a while; Jeremy playing and Theo giving the occasional pointer.

Eventually, Jeremy asked, “Why are you here?”

Theo had to think for a moment. “I was bored, and I missed you.”

“You’re so sappy, Ma,” Jeremy chuckled.

Theo curled into Jeremy’s small body, holding him close. “You keep avoiding me, and you’re so close to the age when I did stupid shit and I’m afraid you’re going to make similar mistakes.”

“I’m not you.”

“I know. You’re part Liam and that makes everything worse. If anyone offers you power come to me before you accept it.”

Jeremy rolled his eyes and carefully weaseled his arms out of the tight grip Theo had on him, going back to his game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments fuel me, by the way. Just sayin'.


	5. Love for the Unloveable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I have started too many projects and really need to get better at finishing stuff.

For the most part, Jeremy ignored Marvin. He didn't seem to have an interest in babies at all; not his nephew, nor the rest of the pack children. Theo didn't blame him. He felt the same until he had his own.

Jeremy never actively avoided the youngest pack members, but he was almost never within three feet of them either. He had a gift for finding the one place in a room where the toddlers wouldn’t wander.

Nina caught on to this at a pack dinner one night. She watched him skitter away from Lydia and her toddler and decided that enough was enough. She cornered him when he was sitting on the couch and carried Marvin over. “Hey, little bro,” she called, “hold my kid while I use the bathroom, kay?” No choice was given in reality. She maneuvered Jeremy’s arms so that he was holding the toddler, and walked away grinning.

Jeremy made a noise of distress, quickly looking around for help. He spotted Theo leaning against the wall and whined.

Theo rolled his eyes, huffing in amusement. “You’re fine.”

Marvin stood on Jeremy’s knees, held up by shaking hands under his armpits. He was as happy as can be, chilling with his favorite uncle. Marvin reached out, attempting a pat on the cheek or something, but Jeremy jerked his head away. Marvin’s smile dropped, confusion pinching his bushy, little eyebrows.

“Germe?”

Theo thought Marvin’s mispronunciation of Jeremy’s name was adorable, but he could almost hear the wince Jeremy made every time.

Marvin looked as if he was about to cry and Theo finally took pity on them both. He walked over, maneuvered Marvin so he was sitting on Jeremy’s legs, and sat next to them on the couch.

Jeremy looked at Theo like he was going to cry too. Theo thought he had raised capable children, but apparently, everyone had a weakness.

Theo tilted his head in question, resisting the urge to roll his eyes again. “What’s the problem?”

Jeremy jerked his head toward Marvin.

“He’s just a kid, doing kid things. What’s the real problem?”

Theo heard Nina stop at the top of the stairs, probably listening for his answer as well. He watched as Jeremy’s eyes twitched, deciding what the proper response would be.

“I…” Jeremy whispered, staring at the pocket on Marvin’s overalls. He struggled to get the full sentence out, “I’m scared I’m gonna hurt him.”

“Just take it slow, Kiddo. We all hurt kids accidentally at least once in our lifetime.”

“But...what if it isn’t an accident?” Jeremy’s eyes grew darker as he spoke. “What if I wanted to hurt him?”

A wave of sadness washed over Theo. This was exactly what he had feared. “I’m so sorry…” Theo said, throwing an arm around Jeremy, pulling him into an awkward side hug. “The good news is, if you have that fear it means there are ways to stop yourself. The bad news is, that urge to hurt people never truly goes away.”

The room around them had gone oddly quiet by this point, the whole pack pretending to not be invested in their private conversation.

Marvin reached out again, and Jeremy slid him slightly closer so he could grab onto the string of his hoodie.

Jeremy’s eyes filled with tears, floppy blonde bangs shielding them from view. “Will you teach me?” He sniffed and added, “I don’t want to hurt people.”

Theo’s heart filled with hope. “Of course.” He kissed Jeremy on the head. “I’m always gonna be here for you, Kiddo.”

Marvin leaned forward, concerned frown plaguing his squishy features. He placed his chubby hands firmly on Jeremy’s cheeks. “No cry, Germe. Happy,” he said, grinning and kneading at Jeremy’s face until he gave a half-hearted smile.

They were going to be okay. Theo would make sure of it.

\---

Jeremy continued to struggle, both in school and at home. He wasn’t quite capable of maintaining the stony, disinterested facade, instead, his gaze was generally set a notch below disdain. Obviously, this meant that he didn’t have many friends, a fact that didn’t seem to phase Jeremy but put Liam at a disadvantage in how to deal with him.

Theo enjoyed watching Liam try to coax Jeremy into sports or social situations. The poor man still hadn’t learned that Jeremy would rather sit alone in the basement murdering hookers in a video game than join the lacrosse team. Liam got his sporty child with Nina. Jeremy was the reclusive psychopath that Theo needed.

Jeremy wasn’t the brightest psychopath though, and Theo was mostly grateful for that. He had been sent to the principal's office more than once for threatening other students in gruesomely vivid and creative ways. Theo would be proud if he wasn’t also terrified Jeremy was going to get incarcerated for actual murder one day.

Jeremy spent many years trying to convince them to homeschool him, but Theo and Liam agreed that the exposure to humans, no matter how stupid they were, would only make him less likely to go completely mad and start up a killing spree. Jeremy claimed that logic was backward, but Theo knew the madness that came with being alone for too long. Besides, Tuesday morning was the only time Theo and Liam got to be alone together and they were not about to give that up.

\---

Nina and Damian moved out a year after they graduated. They now lived in the cheapest apartment they could find in town. Nina enjoyed the freedom that came with not living with her parents. Theo liked not having screaming matches every other day.

Theo babysat for them regularly, but he missed Nina. Their personalities clashed so badly, but she was still the best surprise of his life. So, Theo instigated weekend get-togethers, which he expertly arranged to look like Liam came up with the idea. Liam was the sappy one, okay? Not Theo.

One sunny day in October the Dunbar-Raeken clan went to the park for lunch. There were a few other families with small children milling about when they got there. They ate and then Theo and Liam encouraged Jeremy to go play on the playground with the other kids, which he protested and then did begrudgingly if only to shut his parents up about “making friends.”

Marvin awoke while they were cleaning up. Nina followed her mother's example and hiked her shirt up to feed the wailing child. Nina wasn't the most observant of people, but even she could feel the glare some guy across the park was sending her.

“Why's he looking at me like that?” Nina whispered, turning away from the guy as much as she could.

Theo scanned the area, finding the guy easily. Belly like a bouncy ball and hair combed over a bald head. Theo glared back. He glanced at the guy's family, a wife, and two young girls, all in long skirts and high necked shirts. Theo went back to the cooler he had been Tetrising food into. “From the look of his family, he's one of those weirdos that thinks boobs are only good for sexual exploitation. Ignore him, he's not worth the air.”

Nina sat on edge still. Damian rubbed her back, trying to calm her down. She glanced back again, fear etching into her voice as she whispered, “He’s coming!”

Theo raised an eyebrow as he turned. The guy stopped three feet away from Liam, his belly hanging out so far they almost touched.

Liam smiled politely at him. “Can I help you?”

“Tell your girl to put her breasts away,” the guy grunted. “Some of us are trying to eat.”

“I’m sorry,” Theo said using all the sarcasm he could muster, “I didn’t realise that big strong men lost their appetite at the sight of a mother feeding her baby. If you’re really so disgusted by it, why don’t you take it up with the woman herself and stop assuming we have a say over what she does.”

The guy set his glare on Theo, confusion etching into his features as his gaze drifted to the cooler. He turned back to Liam, seemingly looking for a better response.

“Uhh,” Liam started, glancing at Theo. He jabbed a thumb at Theo. “What he said.”

The guy grunted irritatedly. “Put your breasts away, girl,” he said without looking at Nina, and then he was hobbling back to his family.

“Should I…?” Nina trailed off, looking unsure.

“Nah, fuck him,” Theo said, sitting at the picnic table. He set a big bowl of fruit in the center and started handing out forks. “He’s not worth the air, remember?”

When Marvin was finished, Nina handed him off to Liam so she and Damian could go play on the swings like the children that they still were. Liam rested his back against Theo’s chest, Theo’s arms wrapping around his middle to tickle Marvin.

“That guy is glaring at us again,” Liam said quietly.

Theo tilted his head up and made eye contact with the guy. He was glaring quite determinedly at them from his lawn chair. Theo leaned down, pressing a kiss to Liam’s neck, watching in satisfaction as the guy’s face contorted in disgust. Misogynist and homophobe, the most fun to fuck with. He kissed up Liam’s neck, nipping at his ear while his hand slid up Liam’s chest and pulled his face over for a proper kiss. Theo deepened the kiss, his eyes never leaving the guy, who in turn refused to look away. They were playing a weird game of gay chicken and only one thing could stop Theo from winning. Unfortunately, that thing was sitting in his lap.

Liam pulled away and followed Theo’s gaze. He huffed, “You’re supposed to play gay chicken with the person you’re trying to freak out, not the man you’ve been married to for nearly twenty years.”

“Yuck, I wouldn’t touch that guy with an eleven-foot pole. This was way easier.”

“He does look upset,” Liam said with a chuckle.

The guy curled his lip in disgust and went back to complaining to his wife. Poor woman.

Just then Jeremy came running over, usual stony face now a bit distraught. “I need your help,” he said in a rush.

Liam sat up, jostling Marvin in his lap. “What is it?”

“I accidentally punched this kid-”

“Accidentally?” Theo asked suspiciously.

Jeremy’s eyebrows furrowed in anger. “Yes, accidentally. I didn’t notice him coming up behind me and lost control of my limbs, okay? He reacted worse than the other kids I punched, and I think there’s something really wrong with him.” He actually seemed worried about this kid.

Theo jumped up from the bench. “Where is he?”

Jeremy led him to the other side of the playground. A kid around Jeremy’s age was knelt at the bottom of the slide, clutching his stomach. He flinched as Theo and Jeremy approached.

Theo crouched down a few feet away. “You okay there, kid?”

The kid nodded, dark locks falling into his face. Theo took a small step forward and the kid jerked away, wincing and letting out a quiet whimper of pain.

“Sorry,” Theo said soothingly, “I just want to make sure my kid didn’t hurt you. He’s too strong for his own good. You wouldn’t be the first person he sent to the hospital. I just want to listen for internal bleeding. Do you know what that is?” The kid nodded again, eyes glazing over in fear. “In order to do that I need to get closer. Cross my heart and hope to die, I promise not to touch you. Is that okay?”

The kid straightened up a bit, whimpering again. Theo hobbled toward him slowly, leaning down to listen. A weak heartbeat and the muffled rush of blood hit Theo’s ears like a train.

“Jeremy, call 911.” He straightened up, looking the kid in the eyes. “You’re gonna be okay.” The kid grabbed Theo’s hand and Theo gave him a reassuring squeeze. “What’s your name?”

The kid glanced around nervously before responding, “Evan.”

“Alright Evan, we’re going to get you to the hospital and get you fixed right up, okay? Are your parents here with you?”

“They’re on the other side of the playground.”

“Could you give me a description?”

“Dad's bald and Mom wears her hair in a bun.”

Great, his father is the dickbag. “Alright, I need to go talk to them, but Jeremy is going to stay with you until the ambulance gets here, okay?”

The smell of fear hit Theo in full force. Evan’s expression was that of pure terror. “Don’t tell them, please!”

“Why not? Do they hurt you?”

“No.” The answer was too fast, too deadpan like it was a trained response. Evan looked at the sky before retracting his hand, setting it in his lap. “No, it’s fine.”

Theo stood, and Jeremy took his spot, smiling awkwardly at Evan. Theo had to tamper down his rage before walking up to Dickbag and his wife.

“Your child’s name is Evan, right?” Theo asked without preamble.

“Yeah,” Dickbag responded suspiciously. “Why?”

“He got injured. I called for an ambulance alre-”

“Why the fuck would you do that?!” Dickbag yelled, struggling to stand up from his lawn chair. “Where is he?”

The commotion started drawing a crowd.

Theo’s face scrunched in bewilderment. “Because he’s in so much pain he can’t move.”

“Where the fuck is he, fa-” Dickbag cut himself off before finishing his insult.

“Wow, good job holding yourself back. I’m so proud. Wouldn’t want to add obvious homophobia on top of the blatant disregard for your child’s well being, would you?”

Sirens sounded in the distance.

Dickbag got up close and personal with Theo, voice dropping low enough that only Theo and werewolves could hear it. “Tell me where he is before I make you regret it.”

“Do you make Evan regret it? Is that why he’s in so much pain now?”

“That is none of your business.” Dickbag tried to storm off, but Theo stopped him.

Theo glanced disgustedly at his hand on Dickbag’s shoulder. “Anytime a kid is in pain is my business. I suggest you calm the fuck down before I have to call the cops.”

Dickbag cast a surprisingly hard punch at Theo’s gut. Theo keeled over, darkness encasing his being. He straightened, eyes glowing faintly as he lunged, stopped milliseconds away from tearing Dickbag’s throat out by Liam’s voice screaming, “No, Theo, don’t!”

Theo heaved a sigh, posture righting, then slumping in insolence. “But I want to,” he whined, tilting his head toward Liam’s unimpressed face. “He’s a dickbag.”

“Set a good example for your grandchild, please?”

Theo rolled his eyes, walking over to Liam. “Your kid is on the other side of the playground. You’re going to let him go to the hospital so he doesn’t die.”

Dickbag huffed, mumbling incoherently as he stomped off, closely followed by his wife and daughters.

“Come’re, Marvy,” Theo cooed, stealing the toddler from Liam. “Don’t hurt people, just snark at them until they regret all of their life choices.”

A commotion forced them to wander over to the boys.

Jeremy's fangs were firmly planted in Dickbag’s wrist, and Dickbag was screaming like a little girl.

“Jeremy, let him go,” Theo ordered.

Jeremy looked up, teeth still attached. “Buth-”

“No buts, Dad said no.”

Jeremy sighed, slowly releasing Dickbag's wrist. He remained standing between Evan and Dickbag, glaring.

“Let me at my kid,” Dickbag growled.

“You were hurting him,” Jeremy growled back, a hint of werewolf making his more menacing.

“Where's the emergency?!” Two paramedics wheeled a gurney through the grass.

The crowd parted, giving them access to Evan. They set him up on a gurney and started escorting him away. Evan's hand shot out as he passed Theo, latching onto his shirt, pleading eyes boring into him.

Theo patted his hand. “We'll meet you at the hospital.”

Evan gave a weak nod and then the paramedics dragged him off.

“You will not!” Dickbag objected. “You will go home and mind your own business.”

“If you weren't such a shitty person, I wouldn't have to stick my nose in your business!” Theo dropped Marvin back into Liam's arms, pecking both of them on the cheek. He turned, digging his keys out of his pocket. “Come on, Jeremy, let's go be that kid's family.”

\---

Theo and Jeremy stalked into the emergency room. Theo spotted Melissa talking to someone at the desk. Melissa was now more of an administrator, promoted when the upper management finally realised she ran the E.R. better than they ever could. Theo strolled up to her, giving her his best information-grabbing smile. “Hello, beautiful.”

Melissa turned, looking like she wanted to cut a bitch. She perked up at the sight of him. “Theo! And Jeremy!” She forced Jeremy into a hug. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

Theo’s smile dropped. “An injured kid, unfortunately.”

“Not one of ours, I hope?”

“No, a friend of Jeremy's.”

“Ah. Poor kid.”

“Speaking of, I was hoping you could tell me how Evan's doing?”

“Preteen with dark hair? I just saw Dr. Geyer take him up to surgery.”

“Good…” Theo looked down at Jeremy, the set of his jaw cluing Theo in on how worried he actually was. “Tell us when he’s out?” Melissa nodded and Theo led Jeremy off to the waiting room.

They sat in silence, Jeremy’s shoulders getting more and more tense with each passing second. Theo was afraid his back was going to snap in half.

“Did you know him before today?” Theo asked, trying to act casual.

Jeremy nodded, staring at the floor.

“Is he a friend?”

“Kinda…?”

“Kinda? What does that mean?”

“It means we're friends...kinda.”

Theo slung an arm over the back of Jeremy's chair. “I still don't understand, but if you don't want to talk about it that's fine.”

They lapsed back into silence. Theo watched the other patrons of the waiting room, trying to guess what they were like outside of this shitty scenario.

“I like him,” Jeremy said quietly, staring intently at an odd stain in the carpet.

“Yeah?” Theo's interest peaked. Jeremy never liked anyone let alone someone outside of the pack. He didn't want to push too much lest Jeremy shut him out again, so he just waited, ears perked for any noise Jeremy made.

“He made me eat lunch with him.”

That was impressive. Jeremy could not be forced into anything. He could barely be bribed into doing things.

“I started enjoying being with him, and then I did something stupid and he stopped talking to me.”

Jeremy did the pursed lip thing that meant he was finished speaking, but Theo had to know. He rubbed Jeremy's shoulder soothingly. “What did you do, Kiddo?”

Jeremy's eyebrows furrowed, hands clenching together. “I…” He leaned forward onto his knees, head hanging low. “I told him I liked him. He rejected me and I tried to retract it, but he said we couldn't be friends anymore because I had the devil following me or something. I felt so shitty losing my only friend over a stupid crush.” He buried his face in his hands, groaning in frustration.

Theo leaned forward, rubbing Jeremy's back. “It's okay. You'll make more friends.”

“I don't want more friends! I want him and I fucked it up!” Jeremy slumped back, an arm thrown over his eyes.

That was the loudest Theo had ever heard Jeremy speak. He was a little surprised that it could actually get to the level of normal human interaction.

Theo sighed, crossing his legs as he relaxed back into his seat. “Look, you didn't fuck it up. It's Evan's dad who did that, way before you came along. I know it sucks getting rejected, but it's also a learning experience. If he hadn't rejected you, you wouldn't know how much you care about this kid. You're in elementary school, there's still time to change his mind.”

Jeremy dropped his arm, looking at Theo with worried eyes. “But what if he doesn't and I'm stuck pining after a guy who'll never like me back?”

“If your feelings don't fade, then we work on getting you over him.” Theo patted his knee. “I wish you had picked an easier target, but we can figure this out.”

Just then the waiting room doors opened, and a nurse ushered Dickbag and his family in. Jeremy shut down. His face closed off into a blank stare.

Theo put his arm protectively around Jeremy, both for his sake and theirs. He lowered his voice. “Did Evan tell you any specifics about his relationship with his father?”

“Evan avoided talking about anyone other than his youngest sister.”

Theo spotted Melissa through the window into the hallway. “I'm going to go talk to Melissa for a moment. Stay here and don't bite anyone, okay?”

Jeremy nodded and Theo stalked out of the waiting room.

Melissa saw him coming and frowned. She handed her tablet over the counter to a nurse and turned toward him. “I'm a very busy woman.”

“I know. I had a question though.” Theo leaned an elbow on the counter. “Can social services get involved with this case?”

Melissa sighed, her expression grave. “They've already been called. Evan's injuries were consistent with prolonged physical abuse.”

“Are they going to take the other kids away?”

“That I don't know. I hope they do.” Her expression grew impossibly worse, the dark circles under her eyes seeming to deepen right in front of him.

Theo turned to see Dickbag hobbling up to them, eyes burning with a vengeance.

Dickbag stopped a reasonable distance away, eyeing Theo wildly. “Are you talking about my kid?!”

Theo schooled his face into boredom. "I was talking about you, actually. She was asking why you don't pick on people your own size, and I was telling her that it's impossible to have a fistfight with a whale."

Dickbag growled. His face turned red and steam came out his ears. He stormed off back into the waiting room.

Theo heard Jeremy snickering and grinned at him through the window.

“You're not helping,” Melissa scolded.

Theo threw an apologetic smile her way. “Sorry, Mel, won't happen again.”

She rolled her eyes. “You shouldn't make promises you can't keep.” She waved at him dismissively. “Go away, I have work to do.”

Theo kissed her cheek, receiving an affectionate pat in return, and went back to Jeremy's side.

Dickbag’s daughters looked to both be near the age of six. They acted so subdued that even the chest of toys right next to their chairs didn’t seem to interest them. Theo felt bad. This was not childhood. These children should be running amuck or at least sitting quietly in a corner playing with something, not staring at a wall with no emotion on their faces. No child stares blankly at walls for that long without something being very wrong.

Theo leaned into Jeremy to whisper in his ear, “I’d ask you to go play with those poor girls, but I don’t think Dickbag would like that very much.”

“Please don’t get me into more trouble.”

Theo sat back, huffing, “I said I would ask, not make you. I have to bribe you into doing anything anyway.”

Jeremy was staring at the girls in concern. “Why haven't they moved?”

Theo sighed, crossing his arms. “I don't know and I kinda hope we don't find out.”

\---

Evan got out of surgery a few hours later and Theo and Jeremy stalked his family through the halls.

Jeremy poked Theo in the side, leaning in to whisper, “Why are we acting like creepers?”

“Because I want to make sure Evan's family is letting the doctors do their job.”

Jeremy leaned on the fourth-floor nurse's station, head twisted around awkwardly to see into Evan's room. “And the best way of doing that is by peeking in the window?”

“People act differently when they think they're being watched.” Theo pulled his phone from his front pocket, leaned on the counter, and started typing, eyes flicking between it and the window.

“Are we staying here until he's released then?”

“No.” Theo set his phone down, returning his intense stare across the room. “You're going to go home and finish your homework.”

“What? But, I want to stay!”

“Too bad, you have responsibilities to uphold.”

“But, Mom, please!” Jeremy sent him a pleading look, a genuine one, not the sarcastic one Theo was used to. He actually, truly cared about what happened to this kid, didn't he?

“You- ugh,” Theo sighed in defeat. “Fine. But you still have to do your homework.”

“Deal.”

Theo picked up his phone, texting Liam again.

 **Theo:** Make that dinner for 2. And bring Jer’s backpack.


	6. The Stakeout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys need to yell at me more. Like, damn, how was August the last time I added to this?

Poor Evan was pale and sickly-looking. The doctors gave him a blood transfusion and his coloring got better, but not much.

On day two Theo figured out why Jeremy liked him so much. Even half dead and in the hospital, Evan tried his hardest to make his little sister smile. It was a hard task and he only did it when his parents were out of the room, but he never stopped until he succeeded. He was almost the exact opposite of Jeremy.

Every once in a while Evan would glance out the window and lock eyes with either Theo or Jeremy. He would smile at them and they smiled back, and the tension in Evan's shoulders would ease just a bit.

It was that same day that Theo spotted Dickbag glaring at them with a phone in hand and not twenty minutes later they were face to face with two deputies.

“Theo,” Jordan said disappointedly, “are you disturbing the peace again?”

“No, Sir,” Theo said, a shit-eating grin spreading across his face, “we’re contributing to the peace, actually.”

Jordan looked unimpressed. “By loitering in a hospital hallway?”

“Yup.”

Jordan crossed his arms over his chest. “You're not going to leave voluntarily, are you?”

“Nope.”

The other deputy glanced exasperatedly between the stony faces of Theo, Jordan, and Jeremy, eyebrow raising more and more as the conversation went on. He tapped Jordan on the arm, disrupting the staring contest, and leaned in to whisper, “Are we going to arrest him?”

Jordan let out a long-suffering sigh and leveled a stern glare at the chimeras. “Go home, Theo.”

“Got it, boss.” Theo saluted as the deputies left, eyes rolling as soon as they turned the corner. “Honestly, I haven't done anything evil in years, you would think I'd get more respect around here.” He leaned back in his hard, plastic chair, eternally grateful for super healing in this aging body.

“His mom is glaring now too.”

Theo’s eyes snapped back to the room. “Really? I didn't realise she had emotions.”

It was true, peeking through the slats of Venetian blinds was the face of Evan's mother. Theo’s stomach dropped. Her glare reminded Theo of the Dread Doctors, both blank and somehow full of hatred at the same time, unsettling to the core.  Something about that woman was wrong. She played the meek housewife, hiding behind her dickbag of a husband, but there was definitely something evil inside of her. Theo could feel it.

\---

Evan’s mother went out of her way to avoid Theo’s gaze in the next few days, and Jeremy had been forced home because apparently, schools get suspicious when you call them in sick too many times without a doctor’s note. If he could just control his damn werewolf side they wouldn’t have to keep him home so often.

Movement caught his eye and Theo ruefully dragged his gaze away from the partially obscured window. Hobbling toward him was the one and only Sheriff Stilinski. He was haggard and looked like he would rather be doing literally anything else right now, but he kept his greeting polite with a short, “Why are you still here?”

Theo pointed across the room and said, “I’m watching over a patient.”

“You’re not a doctor.”

“But I could be.”

“Look, Theo,” Stilinski said, crossing his arms, “we’ve been getting complaints, not just from the family you claim is oh so evil, from other people too. It’s time to go.” Stilinski gave him the ‘No nonsense. I’ve dealt with Stiles his entire life’ look, which was completely unfair.

“Fine,” Theo said, throwing his hands up in resignation, “I’ll go, but if anything happens to that kid it’s on you.” His back creaked as he stood, muscles pulling in all the wrong ways. He had definitely sat there too long.

Stilinski let out a heavy sigh, glancing at Evan’s room. “I am very familiar.”

\---

Jeremy’s face was too hopeful when Theo returned home that night. The poor kid expected so much from his dear mother and Theo was annoyed that he couldn’t provide him with everything he wanted.

“Well?” Jeremy asked, walking up to him, phone dangling from his hand abandoned .“What happened?”

Theo sighed, only half forcing his face into an expression of remorse. “Stilinski kicked me out, but Evan seemed alright when I left.”

Jeremy’s expression dropped, emptying of all emotion once again. Bright eyes darkened into something akin to a black hole, causing physical pain to bloom inside Theo’s chest.

“I’m sorry,” Theo said, reaching out.

Jeremy drew back, grimacing at the offered comfort as if it came from the devil himself. 

\---

Two days of radio silence. Two solid days of hope that nothing horrible would happen to that kid and it all went downhill on an icy slope.

The police called Theo that second afternoon to inform him of an incident happening at the school. Theo broke every traffic law on his way to them.

The breakdown went like this: Evan showed up at school WAY sooner than he should have. He spent the day limping around without a clue that Jeremy was tracking his every move. His mother noticed Evan's shadow and started up an argument in earshot of a very protective little Chimera. She went to force Evan into the car and that was when Jeremy rushed her.

When Theo got there, the side of her face was bruised to hell and Jeremy was pacing around Evan like a guard dog. Not the best thing to find, but at least she was still alive.

The police had made a perimeter around the boys, keeping everyone away from the "dangerous criminal". All of this brought more attention to the situation, and subsequently, to Evan himself, who was looking more and more nervous by the second. A lot of shit had gone down in this town, and this was definitely not new, but Evan looked like he might pass out at any moment.

Theo drew closer, pushing cops out of his way with a quiet, “He’s my kid.” His eyes locked with Evan’s when he finally broke through the crowd, though Evan’s gaze darted back to Jeremy’s clawed fingers immediately.

“Jeremy,” Theo called out much more quietly than he normally would have.

Jeremy barely acknowledged him and continued his patrol, growling at anyone who even gestured in their direction. Honestly, it was kind of funny to see how scared these people were of this little eight-year-old kid; one on the small side no less.

“Jeremy,” Theo called again, this time in the stern voice he stole from Melissa. “Back down.”

The kid didn’t hear, whether intentionally or not was anyone’s guess. Everyone was getting antsy. They were minutes away from the sheriff showing up with a tranquilizer gun full of wolfsbane. Plus this is most definitely not Jeremy's first incident and he's likely to be shipped off to a juvenile detention center soon, meaning he needed to calm down right the fuck now.

Theo stepped closer, jumping back again as Jeremy took a swing. They were playing that game, huh? Theo's next steps were quick, swerving one way and then back the other. He tackled Jeremy, dragging him to the ground with an arm around his middle. They landed with a crack, both groaning in pain. 

Theo wrenched Jeremy's wildly flailing arms to his back, pinning them there as he sat atop his own child. “Give up,” he said, wiping a bloody cheekbone on his shirt sleeve, “you're not going anywhere until you calm down.”

Jeremy thrashed, scratching at Theo's wrists like a feral cat. The people around them were scandalized. Each of their faces displayed either shock or horror at the sight of a grown man rugby tackling a young boy. Feral or not, that was not the type of thing allowed in polite company.

Theo swiveled his head around to find Evan petrified to the spot he was a moment ago. “Evan,” he said. Evan's face snapped to Theo's, fully displaying the gut-wrenching fear the poor kid felt. “Come here.”

Tears spilled from Evan's eyes, his whole body twitching to escape this fucked up scenario. Theo didn't blame him, he didn't particularly want to be here either, but right now they only had a couple of options before he had to physically beat his own child into submission.

“Please?” Theo asked. “I won't let him hurt you.”

Evan took a cautious step toward them. Jeremy chose that moment to knick an artery in Theo's wrist. Evan froze, gaping at the blood spurting from the open wound. Before his wrist could give out completely, Theo flattened his chest against Jeremy, crushing him into the pavement.

“Just talk to him,” Theo said, wincing at the claws embedding themselves in his skin. “Tell him to calm down.”

The look of absolute terror never left Evan's face, but he crept closer. His hands clenched into fists as he gathered every last bit of strength he had. “Jeremy,” he said. Jeremy snapped to attention and Evan gulped back a scared whine. “Calm down, okay?” His voice wavered, revealing to everyone just how frightened he was.

Jeremy growled, twisting around to bite at Theo's shoulder. This idiot totally thought Theo was the threat here. If only he had gotten Theo's wits as well as his urge to kill, they would all be better off.

Evan took another step, determination replacing some of the fear in his eyes. He crouched beside them, drew his hand up, and gently bopped Jeremy on the forehead. “Stop,” he whispered, confidence rapidly deteriorating before their eyes.

Jeremy froze, stunned into silence. His claws retracted from Theo’s flesh and his head dropped to the pavement. He gazed up at Evan like he wanted to melt into a puddle and cease to exist from this moment on. The self-loathing started too early with this one.

Theo eased up on the crushing, grimacing at the amount of blood covering both of them; these outfits were unsalvageable. Jeremy threw his arms over his head and Theo flopped off to the side, satisfied that Jeremy was not about to tear someone’s throat out. He was definitely lightheaded. That’s a good reason to lie in the middle of a parking lot, right? The cops wouldn’t fault him for not wanting to risk lives by driving right now.

The stillness lasted mere moments before the police rushed in to do their annoying duty. One checked Theo for lasting damage, one cuffed Jeremy like that was going to do anything, and lastly, one ushered Evan away and back into the arms of his mother.

Jeremy maintained his composure until the deputy hoisted him from the ground and started pushing him toward the car. He planted his feet, forcing them both to stop. Big blue eyes stared at Theo, fear swirling through the mess of cracked glass.

“Go,” Theo said, “I’ll be right behind you.”

A small nod and reluctant footsteps, and then the deputy whisked him away, spouting Miranda rights like he was a criminal. It was an image straight out of Theo’s nightmares.

 


	7. Moral Ambiguities

Once Theo managed to peel himself off the pavement, he rushed to the station. An all too familiar chaos reigned inside, from the usual desk jockeys all the way to a fight breaking out in the holding cell. Theo could only breathe a sigh of relief that it was not his very young, very strong, very easily aggravated son in there.

Several deputies rushed past him and Theo took the opportunity to waltz into Stilinski’s office like he owned the place. Stilinski sat at his desk, listening half-heartedly to the same irritated deputy that brought Jeremy in. Stilinski’s eyes darted to a bench in the corner, directing Theo to have a seat. Theo leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed and Stilinski’s eyes rolled.

“Sir,” the deputy said, sounding mildly offended, “just because you don’t agree with me-”

“Not you.” Stilinski nodded at Theo and the deputy spun around.

Deputy Nelles, as his badge said, glared at Theo like he was the worst person in existence. Perhaps he was right, Theo had been called similar things before. Or perhaps he was just jumping to conclusions based on the singular knowledge that Theo basically attacked his own child to calm him down, which granted may not have been the best way to handle the situation, but it worked.

Nelles turned back to Stilinski, muscles tensing as he said, “Sir, I really think-”

“Yes, I know,” Stilinski sighed. “You want to send him to juvie. I got it.”

“I just think-”

Stilinski raised a hand to silence him. “I guarantee you, that anything they could do to this kid in juvie Theo here would have a punishment ten times worse. Isn’t that right, Theo?”

Theo grinned. “First, we take all his electronics. Then it’s off to Boy Scouts where his dear, old, uncle Scott who will use him for  _ every  _ demonstration. The humiliation from that alone will scar him for life, but that’s not the end. We take him to a social event under the guise that he’s going to his cousin’s costume party, so not only are we introducing him to every stranger in a ten-foot radius, but he’s also dressed like an idiot. Once he is thoroughly humiliated, he may return to life as normal where no one he trusts will acknowledge that any of this ever happened.”

They stared at Theo in silence, Stilinski’s face caught between a chuckle and a wince. Nelles was assured by this point that Theo was the worst parent in the world.

“I’m kidding,” Theo said, throwing his hands up in defense. “A stern talking to and no video games for at least a month. Might go with the Boy Scout thing too, make the Alpha watch him once a week.”

“So,” Nelles drawled, “juvie then?”

Stilinski leaned on his desk, shaking his head like a man too old for this shit. “Look, deputy, there are many nuances to this case and I would appreciate it if you just let me handle it.”

Nelles looked like he did not want to give up on this, but he gave a curt nod and skedaddled out with his tail between his legs. Stilinski continued his quest to appear as old and run down as physically possible by slumping into his chair. The bags beneath his eyes darkened as a weighted sigh left his lungs.

“Theo,” Stilinski said, “no more incidents, okay? I can’t keep getting him out of things.”

“Understood.”

Theo slipped out and headed to the usual spot, a metal bench just outside the holding cage. Jeremy was there, chained to it like an animal, playing Rock, Paper, Scissors with the remaining fighter.

“You shouldn’t play with the criminals,” Theo said, “it makes you look untrustworthy.”

Jeremy yanked at his cuffed wrists, chains jangling like a damn movie. Theo pulled a paper clip from his pocket as he strode over, and picked the lock with a swiftness he probably shouldn’t be proud of. He held Jeremy close as they left the station, sending Deputy Nelles the most sinister grin he could muster.

It was a miracle that they hadn’t had Child Protective Services on their doorstep years ago.

\---

Nina was there when they got home. “Holy fuck,” she said, covering Marvin's eyes, “what the fuck happened?”

Theo glanced down at the thick layer of blood soaked into his shirt, the sticky, stiffening feeling slowly creeping into his skin. Maybe Nelles' glare was warranted after all.

Jeremy made a b-line to the only bathroom, locking the door behind him. Theo could only sigh, discard his ruined shirt, and attempt to clean himself up in the kitchen sink.

“Mom?” Nina called. “Is everything okay?”

Theo scrubbed at a spot on his jeans, managing to spread the stain further. “Things got dicey,” he said. “I had to pin him, but no one was hurt too badly.”

“That’s it?” Nina asked. “You come in covered in blood and that’s all you’re going to say?”

“It’s been taken care of. Nothing more to say about it.”

Nina didn't look convinced, but she dropped it with a glance at the bathroom door.

\---

A few days went by with little to no updates on the Evan situation. Jeremy had told them that “Evan was walking more normally, but he was still jumpy,” and that was it until they were called into Jeremy’s school one afternoon.

“I’m sure you know already,” Principal Leslie said, “but Evan asked me to inform you personally.” His grave face sunk a little lower as he leaned on his desk. “Evan’s family has decided to move out of town.”

“What?” Theo asked, shocked and appalled. “They’re just moving? After everything that happened, they get to skip town with zero consequences?!”

“They have informed the police of their change of address,” Leslie said, eyeing Jeremy’s clenched hands warily. “I’m sure whatever quarrel you had will be thoroughly looked into.”

“That’s bullshit and we both know it.”

“Come on, Theo,” Liam placated, “the cops know what they’re doing.”

“We both know that fuck-face is going to find somewhere with higher crime rates so their own measly investigation will be thrown under the rug.” Theo saw the way Jeremy shook, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying, “They are going to get away with whatever shit they’re pulling and there won’t be anything we can do about.”

Jeremy’s eyes went gold. Theo and Liam jumped to attention, already pushing Leslie out the door before the first thing was thrown. Blue plastic shattered against the wall too close to Theo for comfort, a small shard embedding itself in the lost and found box by his feet.

“Hey,” Liam said, voice low and slightly terrified. He had a shard in the back of his leg but was too distracted by ducking away from the second chair flying at his head to notice. “Rude!”

Theo slammed the door shut and spun around, bracing himself for whatever might get thrown at him. Red-faced and growling, Jeremy shoved everything off the principal's desk. Down went the Apple computer, shattering the screen on impact. There went a hard-earned thousand bucks.

Amidst the chaos, a firm knock punctured the air. Theo reluctantly turned his back once again, sacrificing it with a sense of dread bubbling up his stomach. He opened the door a crack and stared at the face of a well-meaning deputy.

“Now’s not the best time,” Theo said. “We’re having a bit of a...situation in here.”

“I know,” the deputy said. His stern, unafraid gaze told Theo that he did not, in fact, know. “That’s why I’m here.”

“Did you bring the tranquilizers?”

His eyebrow twitched up in surprise, but his face never changed. Poor fuck was not prepared for this. “Open the door, please?”

Theo glanced over to Liam yanking a sharp metal something from Jeremy’s grip. “Yeah, you probably don’t want to do that right now.”

Another crash and the deputy pushed past Theo, freezing just inside the door. Jeremy reared back. Theo dove for the deputy, plunging them both to the floor as whatever was thrown embedded itself in the door frame.

“Rethinking your plan, deputy?” Theo asked, laughing at the poor fuck staring wide-eyed beneath him.

“Uh, Theo?” Liam asked. His worried voice had Theo’s head jerking up instantly. Jeremy was gone. Liam was staring at the floor behind the principal’s desk.

Theo stood and crept quietly over to Liam, who’s worried look deepened into a solid panic. Behind the desk, crouched on the floor with arms over his head, was a crying Jeremy. Now Theo was panicking. They didn’t know Jeremy  _ could  _ cry, let alone that he might actually  _ do it  _ one day. The fuck were they supposed to do now?

They stood there staring for what felt like forever, and then Theo’s “mom” instincts kicked in. He walked over and knelt beside Jeremy, wrapping him up in a hug. Jeremy didn’t resist, just fell into the embrace like an actual child.

This fight was far from over.

\---

Theo was pulling on a pair of sweatpants just as Liam walked into their bedroom. He had been stewing over their options all day, sorting through them, organizing them into categories in his mind. They both climbed into bed and Theo deemed it an appropriate time to start this conversation.

“I’ve narrowed things down to three options.”

Liam groaned, stuffing his head under a pillow. “Do we have to do this now?”

“Do you want to leave Evan to fend for himself?” 

The pillow flipped up against the headboard. “No…”

“Then we need to come up with a plan.”

Liam heaved what was going to be a sigh, and yawned loudly just to get his point across instead. “What are the options?”

“First,” Theo said, grinning, “the legal option. We file reports and whatnot, get Stilinski in on it or something, but obviously, this is the least effective option.”

“Obviously,” Liam mumbled, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

“Second option, we convince Scott to turn Evan and then legally we have to be allowed to see him.”

“Scott wouldn’t do it.”

“I know, but it’s an option. Lastly, we break into Stilinski’s office, find out where they moved to and steal him.”

“Kidnapping? Really, Theo?”

“I’m just laying out all the possibilities.”

“Right, but you’ve already decided which one you want to do.”

“Maybe?”

“We can’t kidnap him, Theo. I would lose my job. You would  _ definitely  _ go to prison.”

“Only if we’re caught.”

“Yeah? And how are you going to avoid Sheriff Stilinski?”

“I haven’t figured that part out yet, but I will. I’ll move back into the sewers if I have to.”

“Kudos for determination, I guess, but there has to be another way.”

“One of us could try and seduce them, but they both make me physically sick so you’re going to have to do that.”

Liam’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Ew.”

“That’s what I figured. Plus they know all of our faces, so it wouldn’t work anyway.” Theo looked at him expectantly.

Liam’s eyes rolled and he slumped down. “And we’re back to kidnapping. Great.”

“Now you know what I’ve been going through.”

“How are any of these viable options to you?”

“Jeremy needs me,” Theo said. “Do you realise how rare that is these days? The last time he actually asked for my help was when he was five and couldn’t reach the Fruit Loops. You weren’t there when he was little and resorted to biting me to get my attention. He’s asking nicely for once, I need this.”

_ “I only bit you a few times.” _

Theo nearly jumped out of his skin. Sometimes he forgot that his children had supernatural hearing as well. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”

_ “I am,”  _ Jeremy said,  _ “I’m just not asleep.” _

Fucking smart-ass. Theo looked to Liam whose eye roll said the same thing. “Alright, since you’re awake, any thoughts?”

_ “I like the kidnapping idea.” _

“We cannot kidnap him!” Liam whined. “Scott will disown us, Stilinski will not hesitate to arrest us, and then I’ll have to spend the rest of my days in jail with some random werewolves that will make fun of me because I’m short.”

“I make fun of you because you’re short.”

“Yeah, but I like you anyway.”

_ “Back to the kidnapping, please?” _

Liam stared Theo down and used his stern professor voice when he said, “We are not kidnapping that kid.”

Theo was totally going to kidnap the kid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never known and probably will never know where the hell this fic is going. Kudos to all of you for sticking around this far.


	8. The Kidnapping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING to anyone with sensitive eating disorders, this chapter may not be for you.

Theo didn't compare his children. That was something bad parents did. No, Theo would never compare his children, but he would admit that raising Nina was _way_ easier than raising Jeremy. Nina only ever needed a shoulder to cry on and a space to call her own. With Jeremy, he had to decide whether to teach him how _not_ to kill or how to get away with it once he did.

Right then, Theo sat with Jeremy in his beat-up truck outside of Dickbag’s new house. At the moment, it looked like the second option was his best bet. Jeremy’s very presence was keeping Theo on edge, but he couldn’t say no to those damned teary eyeballs, no matter how many times he saw them. Whatever happened here would set the rest of Jeremy’s life into motion and Theo was not prepared for that in the slightest.

They hunkered down in their seats as Dickbag’s front door opened and out came Evan and his sisters. Theo and Jeremy hopped out, following a ways behind. Theo usually had no qualms with following people through public spaces, but it felt wrong doing it to an elementary schooler.

They walked two blocks South to the younger's kindergarten. Evan hugged her and she ran inside. Three blocks West to the elementary school. Neither turned around once. Either their instincts were horrendous, or they were too used to being watched.

\---

Jeremy was antsy the whole time Evan was inside the school. His incredible ability to sit stony still had shattered because of _concern_ for another person. Theo was flabbergasted just thinking about it. What happened to the sociopathic little boy he had given birth to?

They sat outside Dickbag’s house for hours, just waiting. The ugly SUV had disappeared while they were following Evan, so one or both of the parents must have gone out to work or something, which meant that they were essentially waiting for _anyone_ to return. This was not a new experience for Theo - he spent weeks living in this truck back in the day - but Jeremy’s constant shifting was making it very hard for Theo to keep his head.

Jeremy moved again, crossing his legs only to uncross them a moment later. He slouched and sat up straighter almost immediately.

Theo sighed and leaned on the door window, staring incredulously at his squirming child. “Could you stop?” he asked. “I’m getting shifty just being near you.”

“Sorry,” Jeremy muttered, scowling out at Dickbag’s house, “I need to pee.”

Theo dragged a hand down his face, trying to scrub away the annoyance from his brain. He dug out his wallet and handed Jeremy a wad of cash. “There’s a convenience store two blocks South-West. Get us some lunch while you’re there.”

Jeremy bolted out of the truck and practically ran down the street.

\---

Hours later, Evan and his sisters finally came dawdling back. The girl Theo assumed was the older teetered along at the back, never quite getting her feet under her. Now that he was properly looking at her, Theo could see just how skinny she was. Her limbs were twigs and her eyes had sunken in on her face. It looked like the poor girl hadn't eaten a full meal in months. Evan seemed content that she was keeping up, but Theo could see her focus drifting. Theo bolted out of the truck, skidding to a stop with his arms outstretched just as she fell. She hung limply in his hold, skin feverish and panting for breath. Theo was officially out for blood.

Evan pulled at Theo’s arm, saying something in concern, but he couldn’t hear any of it. Theo scooped the poor child up and carried her to the front door. “Open it,” he grunted, trying not to direct the vicious glare he knew he was sporting on anyone innocent.

Evan’s shaky hands shoved a key into the lock and twisted. Theo shouldered the door open, turning into the nearest room with a flat surface, and set the girl down on the couch.

“Watch her,” Theo commanded. He stumbled into the kitchen and yanked open every drawer and cabinet, not entirely sure what it was he was looking for until a stack of knitted washcloths caught his eye. He grabbed them and a bowl of water and made his way back to the living room.

Evan and the other sister looked terrified. Jeremy was next to the girl with his usual stony face and a twinge of tension in his shoulders. Theo dropped down beside him, dunking cloth into the water and resting it on her head.

The problem with this wild picture was that Theo had kids, but said kids were not _normal._ He could talk you through taking down an angry werewolf or even consoling a crying teen, but illness had never been an issue. Obviously, he had seen things like this on TV, and even occasionally in real life, but most of those emergency situations had to do with bleeding wounds or mental breakdowns, not whatever the hell this was.

Theo was about to whip out his phone to call Melissa when a car pulled into the driveway. The anger overtook him and he met the fuckers at the door. Mr. and Mrs. Dickbag were shocked and obviously upset that their worst enemy had invaded their house. Mr. Dickbag shouted things, but Theo’s rage blocked them out.

“Your daughter is sick,” Theo snarled. “What did you do to her?”

Mr. Dickbag was visibly affronted at the accusation. Mrs. Dickbag had the sense to look concerned for their child’s wellbeing. She pushed past Theo into the living room, where she took one glance at her daughter passed out on the couch and sighed with relief.

“Not to worry,” she said, “she just forgot her lunch.”

Theo reared back, positively stunned. They all watched as Mrs. Dickbag disappeared into the kitchen and came back with a fucking PediaSure. The woman knelt by her daughter’s limp body and actually said, “Open up, dear, this will make you feel much better.”

Theo glanced around, wondering if he was hallucinating. But then he noticed the general thin-ness of all three females, and something clicked in his mind. Before he even realised what he was doing, the girl was in his arms again and he was heading out the front door. “Come on, kids,” he said, ignoring the vehement protests from irresponsible adults. A meaty hand grabbed Theo’s arm and he snarled viciously, teeth snapping mere inches away from it.

“Unhand my girl,” Dickbag said, standing just out of arm's length.

“She’s not your girl,” Theo growled. “They’re my kids now.” He jerked his head at the youngsters, and amidst the air of shock and confusion, he and the four kids all piled into his truck and sped away.

\---

Once Anya - apparently the eldest child at age 11 - was in the care of medical professionals, Theo realised the mistake he made. He had just taken these children. For their safety, obviously, but still, this would inevitably go to the police and soon his whole past would be uncovered and he would get sent to prison for life without parole. He was thoroughly fucked this time. Dead bodies could be disposed of, crimes without solid evidence could be swept under the rug, but kidnapping was pretty fucking obvious!

Theo got the other kids settled in the waiting room, dreading the next step in this long, poorly planned scheme. He set Jeremy in charge and then made his way outside. His phone rang almost as soon as he exited the building.

_“Where are you guys?”_ Liam asked through the receiver. He sounded annoyed, but not overly concerned, probably no cops at their door yet then.

“Don’t be mad,” Theo said, already grimacing at the disgruntled noise Liam made. “We visited Evan’s new house.”

_“Theo, you didn’t-”_

“It’s a good thing we did.” Liam huffed, but Theo ignored it and continued, “They were starving the girls, Liam. We’re at the hospital with the older one now.”

There was silence. Theo beat his head against the brick wall.

_“Did either of you hurt anyone?”_ It was a testament to how well Liam knew them that he would ask that first.

Theo glanced around, confirming that there was no one in earshot of him. “No. We’re only looking at kidnapping charges here.”

_“Well, I suppose that’s a relief.”_

“Look, we’ll come home when she gets released, okay? I’ll tell you the full story then.”

Another audible sigh, this one more defeated than the last. _“Alright, I guess.”_

“I love you.”

_“Yeah, yeah, love you too, asshole.”_

\---

Dickbag’s kids were surprisingly good at following Theo’s lead, and “Larry Carson” and his four kids made it out of the hospital without anyone suspecting a thing. Anya was prescribed a _serious_ diet change, and Theo was more than willing to comply.

Evan, Anya, and Julie, the youngest and actually six like he thought, were all entirely too quiet the whole drive home. These kids had literally been kidnapped by a man they barely knew and just went along with it. They had multiple chances at the hospital to tell someone what was going on, but they all kept this entirely fucked up situation to themselves. It made Theo wonder what else was going on.

Theo pulled into the garage and the children all dutifully followed him into the house. Liam met them in the kitchen, his face going from the usual relief to an undefiable shock, and finally the fakest polite smile. Theo pecked him on the cheek, hoping to keep the peace for a little bit.

“Liam,” Theo said, “meet Evan, Anya, and Julie.” The kids mumbled polite greetings and Liam’s head shook with the absolute absurdity of this whole thing.

“Hello, kids,” Liam said, looking pained. “Theo, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah, yeah, sure.” Theo gestured to the garage, watching Liam stomp outside. “Jeremy, show them around, okay?”

As soon as the door shut, Liam was on him, shoving Theo in the chest. “What the fuck!?” Liam hissed. “I said no kidnapping!”

“I didn’t!” Liam gave him an incredulous stare. Theo threw up his hands in defense, saying, “I took Anya to the hospital, yes, but they had every opportunity to get away from me. I didn’t force anyone into my truck, so this is a rescue, not a kidnapping.”

Liam buried his head in his hands, letting out a frustrated and overwhelmed groan. He nearly clawed his eyes out a moment later when he returned to intently glaring in Theo’s direction. “What are we going to do with them now?”

Theo scratched his head, not sure what to say. Liam’s eyebrows raised, his stance slumping to match the exasperated look in his eye.

“Keep them,” Theo said, “I guess? What else are we supposed to do with them?”

Liam’s mouth opened, but they both turned at the sound of a car pulling into their driveway. “Who’s that?” Liam whispered.

“Probably the cops.”

Theo mashed the garage button and the door jostled upward. Sheriff Stilinski himself stomped up to them, trailed by two deputies Theo didn’t know. Stilinski, like so many people in Theo's life right now, looked very annoyed.

“Theo,” Stilinski said, hand subtly resting on his belt right by his gun, “did you kidnap three children this afternoon?”

Theo’s head shook slowly, mouth twisting to look like he was thinking. “Nope.”

“You want to think about that again?” Stilinski asked, looking past Theo.

Theo glanced over to see all four children peeking around the door. He internally sighed, turned back to Stilinski, and said, “I’m still going with ‘no’.”

"Really? Care to tell me why those missing children are in your kitchen then?"

Everyone was looking at Theo now. He shrugged, a casual disinterest relaxing his shoulders. "They got in my car. One's a friend of Jeremy's and I figured, since it was late, I should feed them."

"And what were you doing so far away from home that they could just 'get into your car'?"

"Well, Sheriff," Theo started, trailing off at the end.

"I called him," Evan interjected. "Anya was sick and I didn't know what to do."

Stilinski twitched, nose and eyebrows pinching together like he smelled something bad. "Uh-huh. I might even believe you if your parents hadn't already told me the whole story. Like when you all left Theo said- What was it, Jefferies?”

Stilinski turned to one of the deputies with a smug grin, and the kid rumbled out, “They’re my kids now.”

Liam’s head was in his hands again, already so done with his idiot of a husband. Theo's mind went blank. He was done for; totally and completely lost.

And then, the smallest, sweetest voice said, "He saved me." Anya stared with wide, fear-stricken eyes, her whole body shaking with the effort of standing. "...Sir." Her gaze dropped, all the fight leaving her fragile bones. Evan and Jeremy both grabbed Anya when she started to fall, propping her up between them.

Theo looked at Stilinski. Stilinski looked at Liam. Liam looked like he wanted to go back in time 20 years and smack some sense into himself.

Stilinski finally gave up on the tough cop routine and reverted back to the whole-heartedly exhausted old man he really was. "Damn it, Theo. Why do you have to make everything so difficult?"

"Because the best things in life are?" Theo asked, shrugging like an idiot.

Stilinski was not impressed. "Alright, kids," he said, "this is your chance to tell me if he's done anything bad to you." He looked at each of them in turn, confirming Theo's innocence. "This is a bit unorthodox, but since you can't keep yourself out of things, I'm going to let you keep them until we finish up our investigation. Is everyone okay with this arrangement?"

A chorus of affirmatives rang out; Liam's a bit belatedly but through no coercion from Theo. Stilinski pinched the bridge of his nose, already regretting his decision. He turned to the deputies and said, "This is a terrible plan and I want one of you to shoot me if I try anything like it again."

Stilinski and the deputies then got back into their car and sped away, leaving Theo to do an internal victory dance because he just got away with kidnapping three children. What the fuck had his life become?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Come chat with me on [Tumblr](http://rainbowspoopingunicorns.tumblr.com/) I don't bite, I swear.


End file.
